4 Ways To Get Through Hard Times

December 11th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

We love stories about underdogs who beat the odds and figure out how to get through hard times. They provide encouragement that, we too, can be victorious and achieve success.

We’d prefer to watch others get through hard times from the safety of our armchair.

A favorite inspirational story of mine is about a ruthless con-artist, liar, thief, and manipulator who was full of fear and anxieties. Divested of all earthly possessions, he runs from his father-in-law and into the waiting arms of a brother who hates him.

Homeless on a riverbank, he is attacked and the violence is so intense that he is left crippled for life. He faces darkness, loneliness, exhaustion, and relentless pain.

The ancient book of the Bible tells us the man’s name was Jacob and his riverbank opponent was an angel. The question that immediately surfaces is: “Why would God create such pain and adversity?”

The question is answered by Jacob himself, who was transformed through this experience. Jacob finally understood that in real life, naive optimism and the desire for glamour is a recipe for despair and discontent.

Jacob’s transformation earned him a new name— Israel, because he prevailed over his struggles and carved out a tranquil existence in the midst of life’s turbulence.

Struggles force us to find our deepest name.

Setbacks are rarely easy. Whether it’s dealing with unemployment, a difficult job, or personal tragedies, we need mental toughness to get through hard times. Like Jacob, we can be transformed but only if we confront our failures, hurts, and pain.

Tough times and adversity have transformational powers. Life’s struggles are essential to developing resilience and generating a sense of accomplishment.

Here are 4 ways to make get through hard times: 

1. Face Adversity Head On

It’s easy to take your good luck for granted. If you are not prepared for adversity when it comes, you have no tools with which to fight back. Not getting what you always want forces you to identify your core character strengths and personal values—information you might have otherwise over looked.

Via Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, And Why, the first thing to do when we are faced with an obstacle is to recognize and accept it as soon as possible. People who get through hard times move through the stages of denial to acceptance at a faster pace. When we live in denial, things only get worse.

How To Make It Work For You: Stay alert for what can go wrong so you can prepare ahead of time. Obstacles can come from any area of your life so don’t take anything for granted. Practice gratitude every day so you’re aware of those special areas that provide joy and peace.

2. Expect the Deepest Pain To Empower You To Your Fullest Potential 

It’s not a pleasant thought, but very often it is the stressful choices that end up being the most worthwhile. Without pain, there would be no change.

When we force ourselves to only look for good things, we deny life’s problems and struggles. When we deny our struggles, we also deny ourselves the opportunity to solve them and generate real satisfaction and joy. Struggles add a layer of meaning and value to our life.

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful—Sigmund Freud

How To Make It Work For You: Psychologists remind us that “we are not our problems or crisis.” You are not the divorce, illness, trauma, or bank account. Our true self is that deeper entity that is whole and well no matter how hard it is to get through hard times. Just remember to learn from your pain and then release it.

3. Rewrite Your Story

Some of life’s struggles will change our life. When this happens, we can reframe the situation and focus on the opportunity the setback presents us. Once we identify ourselves as a victim, it stays with us.

They way in which we reframe the situation allows us to choose our personal narrative. It’s our point of view that shapes our world and the place we hold in it. If we reframe our struggle as a growth opportunity, we’re less likely to see ourselves as a victim.

A Harvard study found that people who viewed stress as a way to fuel performance managed their stress better than those who ignored their stress.

How To Make It Work For You: Recognize the story you use to explain your life. Can your situation be looked at in a different way that you haven’t considered before? Your current interpretation of your situation will change as you grow and mature. Knowing that, you can have faith and hope that things will be better tomorrow.

4. Seek Out Discomfort Zones 

Don’t be reluctant to accept a new responsibility or challenge because you don’t think you’re ready. It’s OK to acknowledge that you need additional information, skill, or experience but remember that no one is 100% ready when an opportunity present itself. Most opportunities in life force us out of our comfort zone, and so it’s natural for many of them to feel like struggles at first.

That is the best reason to move into your discomfort zone! You won’t be surprised by your response when you need to get through hard times because you’ve already spent time in discomfort zones.

Your stress hormone systems become less responsive to stress the more they are used. So, if you live your life in a way that embraces challenges on a regular basis, you’ll develop the skills that enable you to handle the extra stress.

How To Make It Work For You: Intentionally place yourself in challenging situations. The advantage of this approach is that you get to choose the level of stress involved in each challenge. To develop the skills to get through hard times, you will need to embrace moments of uncertainty even though you don’t feel 100% ready for them.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.”

7 Things Mentally Strong People Never Do

December 4th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

Mentally tough people have surrounded me my entire life. My Dad picked away at a challenge until he found a way around it.

As an FBI agent, I found even more mentally strong people who worked their way through sticky and complex investigations. They took bold new directions that required grit and spunk. They set themselves apart from the crowd. Where others saw barriers, they saw challenges to overcome.

I learned there is no one secret to success. There is no single habit that will guarantee you’ll make it to the top. There are, however, behaviors that mentally strong people have in common to help them achieve their goals:

1. They Never Spread Negativity

It is tiresome to spend time around negative people. They spread no joy and relish dropping little bits of acid on everyone they meet; just enough to make sure their misery finds ample company. Some of the most negative people come disguised as family and friends.

If you surround yourself with negative people who don’t have dreams of their own, then guess what? You will be just like them.

TIP: You reflect the 5 people with whom you spend the most time. Distance yourself from losers who dwell on negativity.

2. They Don’t Give In To Indifference

Indifferent people find themselves satisfied with the status quo and eventually end up in a comfortable rut. They make excuses, blame others, and usually whine a lot to whoever will listen to them. To sum up: they are lazy, passive, and boring as hell.

When you care about something, you become unstoppable. Mentally strong people learn how to focus and prioritize their thoughts. They pick what is important to them, what they care about. This can be difficult, however, because it takes discipline

TIP: Pinpoint which values are important enough that you will become unstoppable in achieving them. When you care about something, you will do what you feel is right. That is what will make you unstoppable.

3. They Don’t Let Resentment Rear Its Ugly Head

Fear often hides itself in resentment. We fear the future, are angry about the present, and resent something that has happened to us in the past. Resentment rears its ugly head when we can’t let go of a slight or injustice, whether real or perceived. It’s nothing more than feeling sorry for yourself because things didn’t go your way.

Shit happens. It can hurt us and those feelings of anger are real and legitimate. But, if we let emotions simmer beneath the surface, they grow and eat away at us. Mentally strong people don’t waste precious energy on crap emotions like resentment. It sucks up too much of our stamina, the strength we need to achieve our goals.

TIP: The best way to eliminate resentment is not to set yourself up for it. Remember a time when someone asked you to do things for them. Subconsciously, you form expectations of what they’d do for you in return. If there’s a chance of you thinking, “what’s in it for me,” you’re headed for future resentment.

4. They Don’t Avoid Pain

The pursuit of happiness has gotten to be a problem. We are told happiness is something they can work for, achieve, or buy. Pain is nature’s way of inspiring change in our life. Let’s face it—if everything was perfect, would it motivate us to be innovative and survival-driven?

The constant building, conquering, and striving is the product of pain and dissatisfaction. Pain spurs action and mentally strong people understand that pain can show us where and how to take our next step.

TIP: Don’t coddle yourself or your children. Life is difficult. Pain is inevitable. Growth is optional.

5. They Don’t Buy Into Victimhood

It’s become popular these days to be a victim. It’s possible to be offended about anything. We deserve to be outraged and we expect our pathetic little grievances to get attention.

There are legitimate victims out there, but they’re not the anemic gripes that pass themselves off as news these days. Mentally strong people understand infractions happen for many reasons, but to bitch about them to whoever will listen does nothing but take focus away from the real victims.

Rejection is a part of life, so grit-up, and grow up. Feeling offended gives us a sense of self-righteousness and moral superiority.

TIP: Tim Kreider said the following in a New York Times op-ed: “Outrage is like a lot of other things that feel good but over time devour us from the inside out. And it’s even more insidious than most vices because we don’t even consciously acknowledge that it’s a pleasure.”

6. They Don’t Shy Away From Failure

We are programmed at an early age to avoid failure. Both parents and teachers pound into our heads that failing produces losers. Slick ads show us how winners look and live and they reinforce our desire to avoid failure.

Mentally strong people are the ones who continue to improve and innovate their craft. Performance improvement is built around the idea that failure is the best way to move forward. We fail, we evaluate and analyze why we failed, and try another iteration. This is the attitude that helps us weather the “shit storm” when we face a roadblock in business or life.

TIP: You’re only stupid if you don’t stop and learn from each failure. Don’t allow yourself to keep doing the same thing, each time hoping for a different result. You already know that one approach doesn’t work, so be smart and learn the lesson failure teaches you.

7. They Don’t Become Rigid In Their Thinking

When people set out to achieve their dream, they make goals to help them get there. Goals become the focus rather than the dream. That’s fine until they hit a roadblock or obstacle. Then, the goal is the thing to achieve rather than the dream. Our vision, or dream, often takes a back seat because we’ve become so focused on achieving our goals.

Every New Year begins with: what are your goals this year? The real question should be: what goals need to be modified this year to keep you moving toward your dream?

Mentally strong people understand their thinking must remain nimble and flexible. They evaluate the challenges that present themselves and pivot so they can adjust to them.

TIP: Instead of writing a list of goals, revisit your dream or vision. Then write the steps needed to get you there. Those steps are your goals.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.” 

4 Traits Essential For Success

November 27th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

When I was 12 years old, I learned a big lesson about some of the traits essential for success.

We got word around noon that my Dad’s father was in the hospital and not expected to live. Earlier that week, 4 feet of thick, wet snow fell on our remote Wyoming cattle ranch, burrowed in the shadow of Laramie Peak. The roads were impassable. The little town where Grandpa was hospitalized was 30 miles away as the crow flies.

They had a testy relationship, but Dad felt it very important to see Grandpa before he died. I suspect he hoped to make amends. Dad saddled his favorite horse, a tall bay with a black mane and tail named Fireball, and started out at 1:00pm.

The Laramie Range of mountains are rough, so my Dad followed a riverbed until he got to an old abandoned road. We had trailed our cattle on that road many times and Fireball sensed he was in familiar territory. At one point, Dad got off to lighten Fireball’s load, but the snow was crotch deep, forcing Dad to get back on his horse.

Darkness hit but they plowed onward. As they moved out of the mountains, bare patches of dead grass showed up through the snow. Dad tried to get Fireball to move beyond a walk but the horse was so tired, the most he could muster was a slow trot.

Wind had created a snowbank around a wire gate. Dad wrapped one end of his rope around the gate post and tied the other end to his saddle horn. As he led Fireball away, the gate post pulled from the ground. Both man and horse rode through the snowbank to the other side.

They arrived at my Grandpa’s ranch house in complete darkness. It had taken them 7 hours non-stop to make the trip. Fireball was so weary his legs shook. Dad found keys to a truck and headed to the hospital. He got there before his father died.

There are many traits essential for success no matter your circumstances or situation. Here are 4 that I learned from this experience:

1. Courage Will Move You Out Of Your Rut

It took courage for Dad to put his life in jeopardy by doing the hard thing. The easy thing would have been to stay at home. He had faith in Fireball to save his life.

Likewise, it takes courage to place your career in jeopardy when moving ahead holds no promises. The future looks bleak and the road will be hard. If things don’t work out, it might mean your career will stall and die. But if you don’t try it, your spirit might be the thing to die.

Courage is one of the traits essential for success because it’s fundamental to propelling change and motivating people—even if the idea sounds crazy. Benjamin Franklin must have looked crazy as he chased after thunderstorms and lightning.

If you want to inspire others to achieve what may look impossible, you need the courage to move into the unknown. Innovative companies such as Uber and Airbnb didn’t wait until tried-and-tested models were developed before they moved ahead. Both companies had the courage to change the way their two industries serviced their clients. 

TIP: Courage is not always easy but its essential if you plan to be successful in both business and life. If it scares you, do it. Every time you do something scary or uncomfortable, you learn so much about yourself and your character. That awareness is something you will take with you wherever you go. Self-awareness is a major part of mental toughness.

2. Take A Risk If You Don’t Know The Answer

About 5 miles after he started, Dad rode by the ranch house of Uncle Stanley. Uncle Stanley took one look at Fireball and said, “That horse will never make it. You’ll die out there.” Dad knew he was taking a risk, but it was a calculated one. He had picked his best horse, and he had lived in the mountains his entire life so he understood the terrain.

The willingness to take a risk is one of the traits essential for success because it requires that you embrace the belief you have what it takes. Belief in yourself, and your team, will take you where you want to go. The smallest amount of doubt can ruin your chances of success.

Assessing risk also relies on knowledge and experience. It makes no sense to take a risk unless you have underlying knowledge that will help in deciding. Whether you add a new item to a menu, test a new product, or add a service, you need to have a deep understanding of the move that is being considered.

TIP: Be smart about your risks, be logical, be rational and calculating, and always improve your skills. But most importantly, always believe in yourself. As Mark Twain said, “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.”

3. Resilience Is Needed When Life Gets Hard

Dad understood the risk he was taking. He could freeze to death if Fireball broke a leg in the deep snow and couldn’t continue. Dad assessed the risk and decided. He remained positive and focused on what was going right rather than on the negative.

Resilience is one of the traits essential for success because an adaptable and flexible mindset can find ways around obstacles. Resilient people cultivate a strong sense of opportunity during periods of turbulence. They cope well because they see challenges as part of life’s journey; they embrace them rather than fight them.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from whatever adversity you are facing. Often the only way out—is through the adversity. We must push through a bad situation that faces us. We need to be positive thinkers. The best time to nip negative emotions is when they first appear because this is when they are the weakest.

TIP: A resilient individual is not someone who avoids stress; rather, it is someone who learns how to tame it. Psychologists distinguish between good stress, or “eustress” and bad stress. Positive experiences cause eustress while negative experiences cause bad stress. A new body of research suggests that stress is not bad for you unless you believe it is bad for you. Seeing stressors as challenges rather than threats invites physiological responses that can improve thinking and cause less physical wear and tear.       

4. Confidence Is Needed To Manage Ambiguity

Fireball and Dad stepped into the unknown as they made tracks through the thick, heavy snow. Dad had no way of knowing what to expect but he had confidence in Fireball. He also had confidence in himself because this was not his first rodeo. Although the stakes had never been this high, he well knew of the danger that lay ahead. He was also confident he would make it.

The ability to manage ambiguity is one of the traits essential for success because change is the only certainty in this world today. Ambiguity creates complexity and confusion around the decision-making process.

To deal with ambiguity you must be comfortable with uncertainty. You cannot control everything so make peace with it and prepare as best you can. A great deal of learning how to deal with ambiguity is having confidence in yourself so you can land on your feet when confronted with the unknown.

TIP: Confident people are not afraid to take a stand, even when surrounded by uncertainty. Prepare as best you can. Lean into your own experiences and knowledge, reach out to others with more experience and different ideas, and be a good listener.

P.S. While Fireball lived another 10 years, he was never the same because tendons in his legs had torn. He walked with difficulty so Dad kept him on good feed and never rode him again.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.”

3 Tips On How To Live A Good Life

November 20th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

Leading a good life is often like looking at grass—it’s always greener on the other side. We see the life other people lead and think to ourselves, “That should be me.”

If we suffer from a serious ailment or experience a traumatic loss, it’s only human to wish the situation was different. Good mental health dictates that we strive to be as happy and healthy as possible.

But, there is so much emphasis on being happy in our culture that we forget happiness is not one thing. Indeed, happiness is many things and there is a small chance that you’ll knock the ball out of the court on every one of them.

We can blame the 1960’s for the trend that encouraged people to reach out and find their true potential. And in the process, throw in a little of how to discover the meaning of life. Deep stuff, except that many people put a bandaid on what it means to live a good life—they slapped on a Get Happy label and hoped for the best.

In a 42-year study conducted by the University of Chicago, it appears that happiness in the United States peaked in 1973. Otherwise, happiness has stayed stagnant for over the past 42 years. The bandaid is clearly not working, so what would a deep healing look like?

The first place to start is to look at what contributes to how we lead a good life:

Tip #1 Maybe You Weren’t Meant To Have It All

Below is a list of different areas that impact your ability to lead a good life:

  • Family
  • Career
  • Health
  • Financial
  • Education
  • Travel
  • Romance
  • Relationships
  • Spiritual

Each of these areas presents different types of happiness and contentment. You may be able to live a good life in a few of them, but not all. Areas like career and marriage take time and commitment. Both require work so that may mean you have less time to develop relationships or travel.

Time restrictions necessarily place limitations on what you can do. Often, living a good life means you’ve made a decision to put more time into one area over another.

What It Means For You: Living a good life isn’t about just one thing. It is the combination of many. Furthermore, it means you must prioritize what is most important to you. Once you have clarity on what is most important to you, it is possible to put your energy into activities that support those areas.

TIP #2 Work On Being Agile, Not Strong

 

You can survive, thrive, and be an incredible leader if you remain flexible when times are tough and outcomes are not clear. Mental toughness does not mean blasting through your obstacles and roadblocks. 

The key is to develop a flexible and agile way of thinking about how to live the good life. Awareness of these mental shifts allows you to recognize where you’ve been touched by emotions like happiness and not give up when it slips away.

Researchers have uncovered what they call the Hedonistic Treadmill. We work very hard to achieve a goal that will help us lead a good life. We are filled with anticipation until we experience the brief fix that produces happiness, but the euphoria doesn’t last long. When it dissipates, we revert back to our baseline and start chasing the next dream.

This is not a bad thing, however. Dissatisfaction with the present is what keeps us motivated to move forward. Perpetual bliss would lead to complacency; and complacency is the real killer.

Lao Tzu once said, “Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.” 

How To Make It Work For You: Mental toughness requires the resilience to cope with the harsh realities of life without ever losing sight of the road. If you focus only on your barriers, you’ll never see the road that leads to the good life.

Tip #3 Rosy Images Of The Good Life Are Usually Misleading

Face it—rosy images of how life will be in the future are meant to enhance advertisement revenues, not enlighten your understanding of real life. It’s hard not to be seduced by images of attractive people surrounded by beautiful surroundings where everyone is happy and smiling.

Slick ads are very effective tools of persuasion. We can feel ourselves in those rosy images of how the good life will look—once we get there. As a result, we live in the future where we see ourselves in the midst of those surroundings.

We can blame our brains, though. Neuroscience tells us that we have an optimism bias, which is the tendency to believe our future will be better than our present. At the subconscious level, the mind has a tendency to focus on the optimistic; while at the conscious level, it has a tendency to focus on the negative.

Along with the optimistic bias, our brains also have what is called a Pollyanna Principle. It means that we tend filter out unpleasant information from our past and retain only pleasant memories.

What It Means For You: Since the conscious mind tends to focus on the negative, say to yourself, “Isn’t this great, right now?” Stop living in either the past or the future. Focus on what is going on in your life right now, and enjoy the areas you have made a priority.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

Get my FREE 45-Question Mental Toughness Assessment

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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.” 

How Fake News Makes It Harder for Millennial Parents

November 13th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

As a Baby Boomer, I spent my formative years listening to the news with a healthy dose of cynicism. I grew up when librarians taught us research skills. Gone are those days since libraries have been replaced by Google and other search engines.

Millennials spent their formative years surrounded by personal technology. If they had a question, they relied on the Internet to provide them the answer. As parents, Millennials still rely on Google, only now it’s to provide parenting guidelines. Instead of calling a Grandparent or neighbor, they type in their question and wait for the answer to pop up.

That works until the volume of information overwhelms them. Even harder is to wade through those piles of information and sort out the junk from the valuable. What is accurate? What is reliable? As a parent, you want to know you’ve got your hands on the real facts, not fake news that is meant to confuse or prey on emotions.

Ironically, it will be easier for the children of these same Millennials to spot fake news. A number of schools now realize that it’s important to teach their students how to be savvy about believing different sources of information. Educators call it “media literacy.” According to a Stanford University study, many students judge the credibility of a newsy article based on how many shares it received or whether a photo was attached.

Millennial parents will need to be diligent, persistent, determined, and plucky as they pan the Internet in their search for gold—i.e. credible and reliable information. In other words, they will need to develop a grit-up mindset to persevere in identifying information that can not only harm them, but can also create dissension and discord.

Here’s how fake news and misinformation makes it harder for Millennial parents, and what they can do about it:

1. Think Like Fact Checkers

Snopes started exposing false claims and fake news since the 1990’s. It’s become more prolific now that anyone with access to a phone or computer can publish information online. Instead of reading information and analyzing the content, fact checkers are researchers who can drill down and get to the truth in a couple of minutes.

Millennials grew up with computers and relied upon them for homework assignments. They researched their papers using the Internet and received great grades. In other words, they trusted the information they downloaded.

A good historian never accepts anything at face-value. Neither does a good FBI agent. Nor does a good parent who happened to grow up at a time when they could trust the information obtained on the Internet.

How To Make It Work For You: As fake news and misinformation has become mainstream, our mindset needs to change to balance this trend. Historians and investigators are two groups of people who read information and then immediately move away from the original text, open up a series of tabs in their browser, and start to dig down.

2. Monitor Your Emotions

As a parent, your child’s welfare is paramount. Scam artists know this and will prey on your emotions. Clickbait and fake news strive for extreme reactions. If what you are reading provokes an emotion like anger or smugness, it could be a sign that you’re about to become a victim.

FactCheck.org investigated a story that claimed Donald Trump told People magazine in 1998: “If I were to run, I’d run as a Republican. They’re the dumbest group of voters in the country. They believe anything on Fox News. I could lie and they’d still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific.” FactCheck.org found no such quote in People‘s archives from 1998, or any other year. And a public relations representative for the magazine confirmed the quote didn’t exist.

Comedian Amy Schumer contributed to fake news when she admitted the Trump quote was fake. She said, “Yes this quote is fake but it doesn’t matter.”

How To Make It Work For You: Mike Caulfield, Washington State University, warns that when you feel a strong emotion, and that emotion pushes you to share a “fact” with others, stop! His research has shown that anything that appeals to the lizard brain is designed to short-circuit our critical thinking.

3. Check The Author And Source

Fake stories can also be sniffed out by doing a little research on the author. Even more suspicion should be thrown at a story that has no byline at all.

Many times bogus stories will cite official, or official-sounding, sources. But, once you look into it, the source doesn’t back up the claim.

It’s always important to track down the original source of the information. The links in the content should allow you to dig deeper until you do uncover the original source. Once you get to the source of the claim, read what other people are saying about the author, the source, etc.

How To Make It Work For You: These days, most credible reporters and authors have websites you can check out. If they claim to have won some award, open another tab on your browser and check it out. Look for unusual URLs or site names. Many times sites try to appear legitimate news sites by adding .co on the end. They are fake sites.

It takes time and effort to identify fake news but that’s why it requires grit. Millennials are not the only ones taken in by this growing trend. It happens to all of us. We all need to develop a grit-up mindset to persevere and take the extra steps needed to protect ourselves from fake news and misinformation.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

Get my FREE 45-Question Mental Toughness Assessment

Sign Up for my How To Build Confidence on-line training course

Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.” 

Do You Make These Mistakes In Difficult Conversations?

November 6th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

I could not avoid difficult conversations in my line of work. My job as an FBI agent was to pull back the surface and probe for the truth. Often, my difficult conversations involved people who were too scared to admit anything. They wanted to keep the truth hidden, forever. Or, they held opinions that diverged from mine.

Some topics are so sensitive and emotionally charged that good conversations are never easy.

As leaders, you may need to tell a client that the project is delayed. Give an employee an unpleasant performance appraisal. Or, tell a successful, longtime employee that his position is being eliminated.

In today’s divisive world, it’s almost impossible to avoid difficult conversations. You may find yourself in a political debate with a colleague. More and more, people refuse to talk with others who share differing opinions about a variety of issues.

I learned early that there is no human being on the planet with whom you have nothing in common. Sometimes I had to work very hard to find that common ground. The secret is in whether you maintain the right attitude.

Do you make these common mistakes in difficult conversations?

Mistake #1: Interrupting The Other Person

Listen to what the other person is saying. Hear them out and don’t interrupt. Let them tell their story or make their point.

Make sure your actions back up your words. Don’t say, “I understand” as you check your text messages.

TIP: Focus your attention on what the other person is saying. Don’t wait for them to finish so you can jump in with a response. If you are thinking of a response while they are speaking, you aren’t really listening.

Mistake #2: Approach The Conversation With A Need To Be Right

The purpose of a conversation is to listen to what the other person is saying. We listen to understand. Not to decide whether the other person is right or wrong. When we feel the need to be right, it means the other person is wrong. This is a rigid win/lose mindset that creates even more conflict.

TIP: Approach a difficult conversation with an open mind and sincere intent to understand what is being said.

Mistake #3: Jump To Snap Judgments

This is a big one because we all make snap judgments. Often, our snap judgments are correct and that is why we rely on them. But, when we’re wrong, they prevent us from getting accurate information.

Psychologists call the tendency to lump people into stereotypes as the “halo and horns effect.” If we approve of some quality they possess, we judge them more positively in other areas as well. The opposite is also true.

TIP: Research proves that we all have biases. So, drop your assumptions about a person because you may not have all the facts. People change and grow, so update your assumptions from time to time.

Mistake #4: Failure To Show Respect

Take a cue from our headlines—lack of respect has become an epidemic in America. But like any illness, there is an antidote. Empathize with other people. Their experiences and backgrounds are different from yours so try to learn from them. This does not mean you must accept their opinions, but you do need to show respect and listen.

As the spokesperson for the FBI, I did a live TV interview on the topic of Crimes Against Children. The other guest was a convicted child molester who was now out of prison. The producer sat us next to one another with the reporter in front. It took all my restraint to politely listen to him speak about why he molested litle girls. Both the reporter and I showed this man respect. He expressed remorse. He also said interviews like this one were intended to persuade other molesters to get help.

If I can keep my mouth shut and politely hear someone out, so can you. You never know what the other person has experienced or feels. But, with a little respect, you might see the other side of the situation.

TIP: Practice empathy. Watch a video or interview of someone you don’t like. Focus on understanding how that person believes they are doing good.

Mistake #5: Let Emotions Run Wild

Difficult conversations often revolve around emotionally charged issues. Whether it’s politics, religion, or poor performance issues, reactions can be intense.

Emotional competence is the ability to understand and manage emotions in a today’s environment. It is a cornerstone of mental toughness. We are emotionally competent if we know how to control our emotions rather than allowing our emotions to control us.

Professor Robert Plutchik created a Wheel of Emotions to show that emotions follow a path. What starts as annoyance can move on to anger or even escalate to rage.

TIP: Human beings are hard-wired to be emotional. If your emotions get the best of you, be adult enough to admit you said something stupid or hurtful. Then put it behind you and move on.

Mistake #6: Give Up Too Early

Stick it out. Talk through difficult topics even if you want to walk away. There might be moments in the conversation when silence occurs. Silence can be an opportunity for the message to sink in. A pause can morph into a moment of clarity.

TIP: Extroverts tend to think as they speak, so they are more uncomfortable with silence. On the other hand, introverts want to think before they speak. If you understand these differences, it will help you navigate moments of silence so you don’t give up too early.

Mistake #7: Forget To End Well

There is no need to have the last word. If at all possible, do everything you can to preserve the relationship. Relationships can take years to build and minutes to blow up over a difference of opinion.

If possible, think about how your discussion might fix the situation or at least expand your understanding of it. The last thing you want to do is create an irreparable wall between youself and the other person.

TIP: Always end a difficult conversation in a friendly and gracious way. Try to find common ground that will set the groundwork and tone for future constructive conversations.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.”

 

6 Ways Busy Women Can Get More Organized

October 23rd, 2017 by LaRae Quy

One of the male FBI agents on my squad was talking about household chores that needed to get done. He then ended the conversation with, “I’ll let the wife handle it.” I was a female FBI agent carrying the same amount of assignments as my male counterpart. I couldn’t help but spit out: “We could all use a good wife!”

My retort was met with icy silence but I had made my point. Today’s professional woman is just as busy as her male counterpart. For those of us who don’t have domestic help, it quickly becomes a situation of trying to balance two jobs at once.

In recent years more men have taken on equal responsibility for child-rearing and home-maintenance. Studies studies have found, however, that most women still face an uphill battle when it comes to juggling their priorities.

Whether women resist giving up control at home, or whether the tasks are foisted upon them, it is clear that women need to rewire their thinking. They need to be more efficient at juggling multiple mental tasks to enhance their performance.

Here are 6 ways busy women can get more organized:

1. DON’T BELIEVE THE LIE

Busy women are told they can multi-task better than men to meet the busy challenges of both life and work. But they are getting sucked into a lie—a big one with serious consequences.

While there has been a lot of talk about how women can multi-task, there is very little science to back up this assertion. In fact, psychologists have only been able to confirm that men are slower than women when switching quickly between tasks.

It is possible to engage in several tasks at once but it’s also clear that accuracy and performance drops off quickly—for both men and women.

The reason multi-tasking is not efficient is because the brain works in a serial manner—one thing after another.

People can observe multiple activities, but they are not able to pay equal attention to all of them.

Tip: Busy women should practice how to switch rapidly between tasks. And focus all of their attention on each task as they do so.

2. PRACTICE ROUTINE ACTIVITIES

In the course of a busy day there are times when we all need to perform more than one task at a time. One way to juggle more than one ball is to practice specific, routine activities over and over again until they become embedded. Once that activity is embedded, start layering by adding more activities.

Driving to work is a perfect example: you do not need to “think” about the route you drive, the radio station to select, which exit to take, or directions to your office.

These activities are embedded into your thinking because your brain likes to identify patterns. The more you use a pattern, the less attention you will need to complete the task.

Tip: Busy women need to embed repetitive tasks as much as possible because it will free up their brain. This will allow them to focus on other tasks that arise during a busy day.

3. PRIORITIZE INFORMATION

We’ve all experienced a barrage of information coming at us all at once. As a result, we sometimes get paralyzed and feel that we can’t move ahead with any decision! This is a normal reaction because your brain is experiencing an overload of information that is queuing up for attention.

Just like a computer can get constipated with too many jobs coming in at once, our brain reacts in much the same way.

Tip: When busy women find themselves confronted with chaos or bottlenecks, prioritize the information. Once they introduce order into the way they make your decisions, they will free up the brain’s energy so it has more space for other information.

4. WORK IN SPRINTS

Physiologist Nathaniel Kleitman has discovered that we operate in a 90-minute rhythm throughout the day by moving progressively through periods of higher and lower alertness. After working at high intensity for more than 90 minutes, we begin relying on stress hormones for energy.

The result is that our prefrontal cortex starts to shut down; we begin to lose our ability to think clearly and move into a physiological state commonly referred to as “fight or flight.”

This research confirms that we have a need for rhythmic pulses of rest and renewal throughout our day. Many of us rely on willpower to bulldoze through lengthy projects or meet deadlines, but taking regular breaks is just what our brain needs.

Tip: Busy women need to resist overriding a period of low alertness with caffeine. Instead, manage your time by working hard for 90 minutes and then take a 20-minute break. Make it a priority each morning to focus single-mindedly on your most challenging and important task for 60 to 90 minutes before taking a break. Even better, encourage those who work for you to do the same.

5. USE WISDOM WHEN SPLITTING ATTENTION

If you feel pressured by several things at once, make a conscious decision as to whether you should split your focus, and then put a time limit on how long you will spend spitting your attention.

Afterward, go back and focus on your first priority. If a thought should enter your mind about another matter, jot a quick note to remind you at a later date and resume focusing on your priority.

It is possible to juggle several things at once, but remember, the only way to do multiple mental tasks, if accuracy is important, is by doing them one at a time.

Tip: Busy women need to be observant at meetings. If you’re speaking and observe that people are splitting their attention by texting or checking email, announce that the next point you are going to make is important so you get their full attention.

6. RECOGNIZE YOUR BRAIN LOVES VISUALS

Visuals are a great way to activate the mind. That’s why storytelling, pictures, and metaphors work so well — they generate an image.

Visuals are laden with information. They provide color, shape, size, context, etc. Since they take less energy than words, they are efficient ways for the brain to process information.

Tip: Busy women should grab a pen and paper and write down their prioritized projects for the day. This saves their brain from the need to recall and review each one. Save that energy for getting those tasks done! There is a reason checklists are so useful.

The biggest tip of all

While busy women can use these tips to help them get more organized, the same tips apply to busy men!

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.”

Why Some People Succeed Almost All The Time

October 16th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

I was never the smartest student in my classes. I had to really work hard to earn an A. But, I thought I knew why some people succeed almost all the time. Because they are smart!

When it comes to success, it’s easy to think that people who are blessed with brains are the ones who will make it to the top. Common sense suggests that being smart inspires confidence. It does for awhile, but only while the going is easy.

The deciding factor in success is how you handle setbacks and challenges. People who are convivial and pleasant even in hard times tend to attract the right people around them. With the right people come the right opportunities.

There is a reason why some people succeed almost all the time, and it has little to do with being smart. Instead, they develop personal habits that carry them through setbacks and challenges. They use mental toughness to master the art of discipline and become the right person at the right time.

Here is a list of personal habits for you to cultivate as well:

1. Forget Self-Improvement

The reason why some people succeed almost all the time is because they understand their core strengths. They don’t waste precious time trying to fix their weaknesses. Too much popular self-improvement tries to build up a skill set or talent that is lacking.

Identify your strong character strengths and skill sets. Think about how you might use those strengths at work, in relationships, and at home. You’re also less likely to experience depression and other anxiety.

TIP: Bask in what is already great about yourself rather than try to fix what is not.

2. Savor “Me” Time

The reason why some people succeed almost all the time is because they understand the value of time. They direct their efforts toward the most important things in their life. It is important that they impose effective time management skills and learn how to say no.

They prioritize what needs to be done from what would be nice to get done. People who savor “me” time are very good at cutting out toxic relationships that add no value. Small acts of self-care do not need to take up giant blocks of time. But it is important to allow yourself to indulge in the stuff that brings you joy.

TIP: Spend a little time and write down the things that bring a smile to your face. Find ways to incorporate these small acts of joy into your daily life.

3. Develop A Back-Up Plan

The reason why some people succeed almost all the time is because they don’t leave things to chance. They have a back-up plan—for just about everything. From electrical outages to failed business plans, they create strategies that will help them move forward.

One of my favorite lines comes from The Eiger Sanction, a movie starring Clint Eastwood in which 5 men plan to climb the Eiger in Switzerland. Eastwood asks one of the climbers about the back-up plan in case they need to retreat. The climber replies, “I consider it self-defeating to plan in terms of retreat.” Eastwood’s character responds with, “I consider it stupid not to.”

Have a Plan B, because if Plan A is derailed, you can land on your feet and move right into Plan B. You might get blindsided by new competition, new regulations, or a turn in the economy.

TIP: Always have a Plan B to fall back on when things go wrong. And have other people available to help you execute it when the time comes.

4. Know What Makes Them Tick

The reason why some people succeed almost all the time is because they pursue things that bring them value and meaning. They’ve figured out what makes them tick and they go for it. They edit the stuff that detracts from their pursuit.

Often, they make an extra effort to educate themselves about different issues and topics. This doesn’t mean they have loads of formal education, but they are curious.  Most likely, curiosity is what alerted them to their passion in the first place.

TIP: Find something that provides you with value and meaning. It might be related to your job, or it might not. It isn’t always important to get paid. But do put your gift to use.

5. Unafraid Of The Unknown

There was a shepherd boy named David. He was not a warrior and he was small in size. David looked at a giant named Goliath and said “I will strike you down and cut off your head. ” That is exactly what he did. Challenges are only as big as we make them.

The runt of the litter takes on the giant. We love stories of the underdog who musters the courage and confidence to find ways of beating the odds!

According to the story, David ran toward the giant. As Goliath moved in for the kill, David noticed a gap in the armor that protected Goliath’s head. David reached into his bag and slung one of his stones. It struck on the forehead, the giant fell down on the ground.

TIP: To increase safety, move toward the unknown. When David moved closer to the threat, he was able to see where and how to strike. Opportunities not seen from a distance were made visible as he pressed forward.

6. Cultivate Kindness

The reason why some people succeed almost all the time is because other people like being around them. They attract other people who succeed almost all the time!

Being a do-gooder can increase your level of contentment. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but small acts of kindness can change your mental outlook. If the man standing behind you in the grocery line looks hungry and is buying one item, let him go ahead of you. Give someone a compliment.

What goes around comes around. If you are kind to others, there’s a decent chance you’re kind to yourself as well.

TIP: Try this 10-second exercise from Chade-Meng Tan. Identify two people in your office and think, “I wish for these two people to be happy and content.” Don’t say or do anything else. Since no one else knows what you’re doing, there’s no risk of embarrassment. It turns out that being on the giving end of a kind thought is rewarding in and of itself.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

Get my FREE 45-Question Mental Toughness Assessment

Sign Up for my How To Build Confidence on-line training course

Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.” 

5 Mindsets Of Resilient People

October 9th, 2017 by LaRae Quy

When I interviewed with the FBI, I was asked why I wanted to become an agent. I answered, “I want to make the best, better.” Apparently my interview panel liked that answer because 6 months later I was in the FBI Academy.

My answer was freighted with the stuff that makes resilient people—grit. It’s not knowing how, but doing it anyway. Push through the obstacles and crap that shows up in life, and always seek ways to improve and be better at what we do.

Organizations need resilient people. We all know that things do not always go according to plan, and employees can lose both heart and focus. When it happens, leaders need to be resilient people who are flexible and resourceful so they can create productive work environments for people. Uncertainty and ambiguity are the enemy, but if we want to survive in today’s environment, we’d better get used to them.

The right mindset produces the coping skills we need to resilient. Here are 5 mindsets of resilient people:

1. ACCEPT THAT IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU

In the FBI Academy I was surrounded by colleagues who were truly extraordinary people. I did not feel as though I measured up against them; after all, most were seasoned armed forces personnel, successful trial lawyers, or stalwart law enforcement officers. I was a buyer at a fancy department store. When I stood and introduced myself at the FBI Academy, everyone turned to get a look at the fluffball who had accidentally found herself at the Marine Corp base In Quantico, VA.

I suffered the instant humiliation of being average, and being average in an organization like the FBI is akin to sanctioning a standard of failure. I could either wallow in self-pity or I could accept  that it was not all about me.

Instead of worrying that I was not exceptional, I honestly evaluated my skill set and understood where I was mediocre and average; but this is what made me resilient—I knew I could improve.

Resilient people focus on improvement, because it shifts the focus from feeling sorry for their situation to the humble acceptance that we all need to find where and how we can improve—whether it’s in our relationships, our ability to embrace change, or in our corporate governance.

The pressure to be the next best thing is automatically lifted from your back, along with the stress and anxiety that comes with being “exceptional” in everyone’s eyes, especially your own.

TIP: Success will not make you a better person. All the self-esteem coaching and books in the world only gives you permission to focus on what you don’t have. You don’t need more mantras or affirmations; you need a better way to look at your world. No matter where you are in life, simply focus on how you can improve as a person.

2. PRIORITIZE WHAT IS IMPORTANT

 

Events in themselves are not necessarily traumatic. It’s the way we choose to interpret those events that produces the negative emotions. Events can be neither good nor bad; it is our interpretation of them that makes them good or bad.

If someone puts a gun to your head and orders you to run 6 miles, that is a negative event. If you run 6 miles to graduate from the FBI Academy with a throng of people cheering you on, it is a positive event. Its the same 6 miles; what is different is your attitude.

Resilient people choose the right mindset when they focus and prioritize their thoughts based on what matters to them. This produces a mindset that teaches them how to fight for what they want in life without becoming a casualty themselves.

TIP: Resilient mindsets are those that choose to be the victory rather than win the victory. Real success comes from who they become, not what they achieve.

3. REFUSE TO PLAY THE BLAME GAME

The only 4 letter word I never heard in my 24 years in the FBI was “can’t.” Do not bitch, whine, complain, or blame others. As agents, we took responsibility for the cases we investigated and worked hard to help the victims. We looked struggles in the eye because they produced the kind of problems that were worth fighting for.

To make an excuse for yourself or shirk responsibility is immature. You might as well lower your standards here and now because you’re not resilient enough to face life’s struggles and endure the pain and ambiguity that is needed to move forward.

When you choose to live according to your values, you automatically generate a better set of problems. When you have better problems, you have a better life.

TIP: Ask yourself, “What am I willing to struggle for?” Remember: Life is hard. Pain is inevitable. Growth is optional.

4. BRING IT ON

One of the things the FBI liked about me is that I grew up on a remote cattle ranch in Wyoming. I was tough scrappy, and full of grit. They liked that I wasn’t coddled, pampered, or entitled. When I was 5 years old, I got bucked off my pony, Socks. I learned early that getting knocked down was part of life; I also learned that getting back up was part of it as well.

Snowflake is a term used to characterize the young adults who are more prone to taking offence and less resilient than previous generations, or are too emotionally vulnerable to cope with views that challenge their own.

They are entitled people and they are not resilient because they need to feel good about themselves all the time. Entitled people are needy—they put themselves before others. Besides being a pain in the ass to be around, they crumble when things get tough. You can’t count on them when the chips are down.

The easy way does not create resilient people. You may want to start your own business or work your way into the C-suite, but you won’t end up a successful entrepreneur or executive unless you find a way to work through the uncertainty and ambiguity that comes with change and risk.

If you want the benefits, you also have to want the struggle. A beach body requires the sweat of intense workouts. To lose weight, you have to want the hunger pangs that go with it. If you want success, you have to want the hard work, persistence, determination, and endurance that comes with success.

TIP: If you keep finding yourself wanting something but never getting closer, then maybe what you are looking at is a fantasy. Or even worse, a false promise.

5. STOP TRYING TO BE HAPPY

Happiness is transitory. It can claim our full attention for a few moments, and then it disappears as it passes through our life. Happiness doesn’t have the same heft as an emotion like sadness, joy, or contentment. It’s a bit of fluff; nice, but of no real consequence.

Happiness depends upon external circumstances, those in which you are never in total control. Happiness is anchored in the future and depends upon outside situations, people, or events to align with your expectations.

Joy and contentment, however, depend upon our internal circumstances. They can’t be bought and don’t rest on someone else’s behavior. You can get fired, dumped, pulled through the coals of a fire and still feel joy deep in your heart.

It is in our choices that we become mentally tough. We learn to prioritize our emotions, thoughts, and behavior so we can pick what is important to us based on our values and beliefs.

TIP: All the “be happy” shit is a lie. Happiness is an emotion; joy is an attitude. Demand more from life than a few fleeting moments of an emotion that draws its power from others. Instead, dare yourself to dig down deep and find joy.

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

Get my FREE 45-Question Mental Toughness Assessment

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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.”

How To Get Along With Negative People

October 2nd, 2017 by LaRae Quy

Negative people show up in all walks of life. As an undercover FBI agent, I couldn’t pick and choose the people I met. So, I learned to get along with everyone, even negative people who were downright toxic. Often I was forced to spend time with people who felt trapped by their life and blamed others for their situation.

What are the characteristics of negative people?  They are soul-sucking individuals who take but never give back. Often, they refuse to accept responsibility for their failures. Blame others for their hardships. Possess no desire to improve themselves. Search out and find the negative in everything they see. They then pass on those observations to everyone around them. Have I missed anything?

I’m picky about the friends with whom I spend time. It’s important to be surrounded who uplift, energize, and encourage those around them. I’ve always believed that the people with whom I surround myself will either make or break my success.

My undercover experiences made me realize that many people go to work everyday and find themselves surrounded by colleagues and associates who are losers. Losers are people who are depressed, unhappy, frustrated, or angry about their situation in life.

Negative people often become toxic.

It takes mental toughness to walk into the same situation day after day and face the negative attitudes of others. And, not let it rub off on you. That negative shit can be catching! We need to find ways to get along with the people without becoming depressed or frustrated ourselves.

Here are 4 things to understand if you want to get along with negative people:

1. Catch the Right Attitude

Negative attitudes catch on more easily than positive ones. The reason is our survival-driven, limbic system in the brain is powerful. It has kept us safe for centuries by alerting us to negative information that warns us of danger. Negative stimuli produce more neural activity than positive stimuli. Social psychologists explain that negative information is like velcro while positive information is like teflon. Negativity is stickier; we take it more seriously and pay more attention to it.

Tip: We don’t need to run from negative information because it creates anxiety or fear in us. Do not let the negativity of others affect your well-being. Instead, handle negative information and do one of the following:

  • write in a journal
  • focus on a positive thought for 20 seconds or more
  • talk it through with a trusted friend

These activities will move you from the emotional brain to the part of the brain that thinks.

2. Groupthink is Strong

Once a negative synergy develops within a work environment, it’s tough to break the culture that’s been established. Groupthink is strongly associated with survival. To express a contrary view places us at risk of being ostracized. Negative behavior is sometimes encouraged by leadership so watch your step. Make sure you understand your organization’s culture and groupthink.

Tip: Walk into work everyday and understand that your co-workers and colleagues are heavily influenced by the message sent from leadership. We tend to give more heft to messages delivered from people in authority.  If you’re trying to bring positivity into the conversation, you must be seen as a person of influence.

3. Keep Your Mental Chatter Positive

The way in which we speak to ourselves is one of the best indicators of our chances of success. Because of our negativity bias, our mental chatter is up to 70% negative.

We often assume that a when a person uses positive language, it’s an accurate indication of their attitude. However, studies have shown that behavior is a far more reliable predictor of what a person really thinks than the words they speak. People can appear positive on a superficial level when they use the right words. But their loser behavior is a far better indicator of what is going on inside their head.

Tip: When negative people surround us, we need to recognize when their negativity affects our own mental chatter. Research shows that we say between 300 to 1,000 words to ourselves every minute. Train yourself to speak and think in positive terms. You can “override fears” that are stimulated by the continual negativity of others.

4. Maintain a Positive and Realistic Attitude

Researchers have drilled down into the science of positivity. The positivity of Normal Vincent Peale quotes may seem trite to some. However, there is ample evidence to suggest that a positive attitude makes a difference. You can either survive your circumstances or thrive in a world that you create.

When we are positive, we are able to look reality in the face and not flinch. Positive thinking is not sugar-coated phrases or optimism that insists circumstances will change.

Tip: Often, your circumstances will not change and you must decide how you will continue to move forward anyway. Be positive and believe your destiny is in your hands.

Be an example to the negative people around you. Help them identify what they are good at. Encourage them to focus on those positive qualities. Once they do, they may believe they are more than passive observers in their own life.

“Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude toward us.”~John N. Mitchell

© 2017 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.

You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, AND LinkedIn

Get my FREE 45-Question Mental Toughness Assessment

Sign Up for my How To Build Confidence on-line training course

Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.”