| |
Archive for the ‘personal achievement’ Category
Monday, January 30th, 2012
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe receive updates via email. Thanks for visiting - LaRae. Article first published on www.linked2leadership.com
If we want to create a great life, we must first create the greatness in ourselves. Greatness is usually coined in terms of success, but what if winning isn’t everything? What if “simply making the effort to win” is the path to greatness?
Often, the focus on results and their rewards are the things we rely upon to provide us with life lessons. This is because we’ve come to believe that ”the great lessons of life” are the things seen, felt, heard, and experienced outside of one’s self.
- From the time we were in grade school, we are taught that the best answers in life come from books or from someone else’s head.
- To emphasize a point, we often quote a leader who lived a great life—it gives heft to our argument.
- By association, we are also great thinkers, or so the thinking goes.
These examples of great results are overt and outside of ourselves. They are awake in the public domain.
But what if a secret to a great life could regularly be found somewhere else? What if many wonderful treasures are buried inside of us, just waiting to be recognized?
To really tap the goldmine of wealth, what the world really needs to hear are those ideas inside your head!
The World of YouTube
Good ideas do not need to be huge; they just need to be yours.
 Image via CrunchBase
The founders of YouTube started out with a easy way to share videos on-line. It was a simple idea but a short ime later they sold their company to Google for $1.6 billion and “Time” magazine named their idea the Invention of the Year.
To live a great life is this:
Never ask, “Can I do this?” Instead ask, “How can I do this?”
Dreams or Nightmares?
I spent a great deal of my early life lacking confidence in my ability to make my dreams come true. And then there was always that exhortation from adults to do this:
“Quit dreaming . . . be practical!”
It wasn’t until I was an adult before I realized that there will always be someone to remind us we can’t, or shouldn’t, or won’t.
As I became more personally empowered, I began to understand that I can, should, and will.
Getting through the FBI Academy as a new agent presented many challenges for me. I found push ups and the six-mile run to be very difficult. But these were requirements and failure to show excellence in all areas could mean being washed out from the Academy.
If I didn’t take responsibility for my own dreams right then and there, I’d never see them come true.
Grab Your Great Life
Here are the best-practices that empowered me to overcome the obstacles I faced so I could live the great life I dreamed about:
1) Examine the labels you give yourself
The labels that others give you don’t matter as much as the ones you give yourself. Those that are self-imposed are boundaries that can limit where you move. Subconsciously, you may not let yourself cross them.
“Not an athlete“ was a label quickly given to me in the first few days of the Academy. I trained but made little progress. I gradually came to understand that not only had my classmates given me this label, but that I had accepted it, too. As long as I kept it, I wouldn’t be able to move beyond the self-imposed boundaries.
Once I peeled back the label, I found an inner strength that translated to physical strength as well.
2) Empower from the inside
Empowerment is an attitude that is quiet and tranquil.
It’s not noisy and fragmented. Empowerment comes by having a steady purpose—a goal. I knew I would attain it when I finally believed it—I needed to believe I could become an FBI agent. Then my goals and purpose came into sharper focus.
3) Drive back the fear
Not only did I have difficulty with push ups and the 6 mile run, I couldn’t swim and had a fear of heights. Jumping off a twenty-foot diving board was another one of the requirements to graduate from the Academy. Never have I felt fear as acutely as I felt looking down from the top of the diving board.
What propelled me to take the jump? I wanted the badge more than I feared the water. I decided I wanted it more than I was afraid of it.
A great life happens when you follow that voice that only you can hear. Once you hear it, and follow it, your life will become a wonderful adventure—Your Best Adventure!
What leadership labels have you accepted from others? What labels do you give yourself? How do you empower yourself to achieve your goals?
You can follow me on Twitter at
http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: empowered, empowerment, goals, great life, leadership, life purpose
Posted in personal achievement | 1 Comment »
Monday, January 23rd, 2012
 Image via Wikipedia No matter the time of year, or who we are, boredom can hit us when we least expect it, and we find ourselves bored with work, relationships . . . even life.
Sometimes boredom sneaks up on us; other times it signals its intention from way off in the distance. Either way, boredom is something that leaves us uninterested and unengaged with the things we’re doing.
When I was a kid, I’d say, “I’m bored. I haven’t got anything to do.” What I was really saying was this: “I don’t have anything fun to do.” As kids, we still dream. We pick activities that spark our imagination and curiosity. We learn at an early age that the remedy to boredom is adventure and exploring the unknown.
As leaders, however, we spend very little energy on adventure and a great deal of time avoiding the unknown. Sadly, many of us no longer have the passion that comes with dreams, either.
Today’s article was a guest post on Pick The Brain. To read the rest CLICK HERE
Tags: balance life, bored, boredom |, dreams, life purpose, meaning of life, passions, unfulfilled
Posted in personal achievement | 4 Comments »
Sunday, January 15th, 2012
 Image via Wikipedia When we were young, the purpose of life was very clear—have fun! We focused on being independent, doing things our own way, seeking adventure, and looking for the best in ourselves and others.
And then we graduated from school, got jobs, and took on adult responsibilities. Suddenly, the purpose of our life had more to do with meeting the expectations of others and less about what we wanted for ourselves.
As a result, we start to live more on the fringes of other people’s lives than in the middle of our own. But here is the thing: when we don’t live life for ourselves, it’s impossible to find fulfillment and purpose.
This is the adventure of life—to find our purpose. At the end of the day, we’re the ones who must take responsibility for the choices in life that we’ve made along the way, so we might as well live it as our best.
 Image via Wikipedia Personal Identification
As an FBI agent, I relied upon a suspect’s identification to tell me the basics: name, date of birth, place of employment, and Social Security Account Number. This gave me a legal description of the individual but nothing more. To move into the personal identification, I needed to flesh out the details of the person.
Too many of us live our lives as nothing more than a legal description. We have become part of the gray masses that are indistinguishable from one another. We have not dug down to find our true character, we lack the confidence to reach for the higher goal, and are filled with too much fear to move out of our narrow comfort zone so we can become a bigger person.
Personal identification is a means for each of us to work towards finding our purpose in life. It takes work because we want to create the life we want to live, and not a version of what someone else thinks will work for us.
Over the next few months, I’ll be talking, and writing, more about Personal Identification and will break it down into the development of three areas: professional development, personal achievement, and spiritual growth. We’ll take a look at how to find our purpose in all three areas of life.
Let’s start with professional development.
Who Are You At Work?
“
 Image via Wikipedia Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, an the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the way only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. Stay hungry. Stay foolish.” Steve Jobs
Less than twenty percent of Americans can answer the following questions with any clarity. How would you answer them?
- What is my job?
- What about my job really counts?
- How well am I doing?
- Is my job an expression of my personal values?
- Can I list my 5 top personal values?
- In my job, am I building a life of success, but not of significance?
- What can I (or my employer) do to help me become more passionate about my current role?
- Is there another job I’d rather be doing?
- Why aren’t I doing it?
There is a silent killer that stalks America and it is called “rustout.” It’s actually even scarier than “burnout” because, while burnout can wear down your body, rustout can wipe out your soul and spirit.
“Rustout is the slow death that follows when we stop making the choices that keep life alive. It’s the feeling of numbness that comes from taking the safe way, never accepting new challenges, continually surrendering to the day-to-day routine. Rustout means we are no longer growing, but at best, are simply maintaining. It implies that we have traded the sensation of life for the security of a paycheck . . . Rustout is the opposite of burnout. Burnout is overdoing . . . rustout is underbeing.”
Richard Leider and Steve Buchholtz, The Rustout Syndrome
Write down ways you can stretch yourself in the next few months. How well did you answer the work questions with clarity? Which ones were the most difficult? Why? What areas of rustout do you suffer at work?
You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: empowerment, inspiration, leadership, life purpose, personal achievement, personal identification, professional development, purpose of life, spiritual growth
Posted in personal achievement, self development | 7 Comments »
Sunday, January 8th, 2012
Someone needs to tell the political candidates that personal empowerment is not about power over others. Rather, it is understanding that you are in charge of your own life.
 Image via Wikipedia
People who are personally empowered know that happiness is an inside job. They don’t wait for someone else to make them happy and they can take care of their own needs for affection.
You Are Responsible For Your Own Actions
In other words, there is no finger pointing and blaming others for your lack of performance. You are willing to take responsibility for your actions. OK, so now it’s very obvious that most political candidates have no personal empowerment—they are just power hungry.
I make this distinction between power and personal empowerment because they are two very different things and people often assume that to be empowered is to be powerful.
Wrong.
This article was a guest post on Liz Strauss at Successful Blog. To read the rest of the article, click here:
Tags: empowered, empowerment, personal achievement, personal development, personal empowerment
Posted in personal achievement | No Comments »
Monday, January 2nd, 2012
Article first published on www.linked2leadership.com
We are all searching for answers. The moment we stop that search, we cease to be empowered and the leader of our own life.
No matter what we do for a living, we are all entrepreneurs of our own ideas. The generation of ideas and answers to life’s questions is empowering. It helps us to identify and resolve issues that hold us back personally and professionally.
The Link Between Personal and Professional Success
Successful people understand that it is impossible to separate personal achievement from professional performance. For short periods of time, it’s possible to fool all the people all the time; but an empty suit cannot sustain itself over the long haul.
As a result, we see leaders who stumble and fall. They use bad judgment and make stupid mistakes.
And we say things like this:
“That doesn’t sound like the person I used to know.”
Perhaps the proper response should be this:
“When did they start spinning out of control by trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations?”
In other words:
“When did they stop searching for answers about their own lives?”
Mission Creep
My favorite chapter in Stephen Covey’s book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is one entitled “Inside-Out.” He states that Inside-Out means to start with the most inside part of self because private victories always precede public victories. Inside-Out is a continuing process of renewal based on growth and maturity.
Lasting happiness and empowerment always comes from the inside.
If we pursue the process of renewal through growth and maturity that Covey talks about, our goals in life are bound to change as well. If we’re not self-aware enough to recognize those changes, we end up letting others define who we are and what we want out of life.
“I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacation with better care than they do their lives. Perhaps that is because is escape is easier than change.”~ Jim Rohn
 People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going. Mission creep happens when we lose focus and spend too much time on projects that don’t get us any closer to our goals. We are attracted by all the choices that compete for our time and attention.
Many people are plodding along at something but they aren’t excelling because they’re doing something they don’t truly enjoy. It pays the bills but they are not filled with inspiration or a sense of satisfaction.
For many of us, our goals change over the years but we’re unaware of this internal shift because we don’t look inward enough to even know it!
We empower ourselves when we identify what is holding us back from achieving our goals. As with anything, we need to choose a direction.
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to go,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
–Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Find Your Dream
Your goals should fill you with delight and anticipation. They need to be made with intentionality; otherwise, you may settle for something that is second best without ever realizing when you took the wrong turn in the road.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What do you truly love?
- What are you good at?
- What brings you satisfaction?
- What is the road not taken?
- Have you ever explored the road not taken?
- Is that untaken road still interesting to you?
- What stopped you from taking this road?
You will not find the answers to these questions in a book. If you are to be the leader of your own life, you must be willing to look inward to find them.
The Blue Flame
As a new counterintelligence agent in the FBI, I was often called a “blue flamer.” You know the type—they have an insatiable combination of ambition and desire because they are doing something they truly enjoy. My blue flame lasted for about five years because I was working undercover cases and living my dream.
The flame started sputtering when I no longer felt the excitement and adrenaline rush of meeting Russian spies as an undercover agent.
The following is a simple exercise in self-awareness that worked for me:
- On one side of piece of paper, make a list of everything that brings you joy and pleasure. Include achievements, people, and hobbies.
- On the other side, make a list of goals.
- Draw lines to match #1 and #2. Look closely at which ones intersect—or don’t. This may provide you with direction and purpose.
One of my goals was to recruit a Russian spy to work for the U.S. government. On the other side of the paper I had written that relating to people in a genuine and authentic manner gave me great joy. It became obvious to me that I couldn’t continue the subterfuge of undercover work and develop the desire to be genuine and authentic.
My mission had not changed—I still wanted to be an FBI agent—but my goals were now different.
I knew I could not get satisfaction from my professional achievements and still hope to claim my personal values.
True leaders are empowered by generating ideas and seeking answers to life’s questions. Leading our own life is the truest form of great leadership.
What do you want to accomplish in life? What obstacles are stopping you? Is your current path taking you toward your dream? I would love to hear your thoughts!
Tags: achievement, ambition and success, authentic leadership, empower, empowering, empowerment, inspiration, leader, leadership, personal achievement, personal values, Success |
Posted in personal achievement | 6 Comments »
Thursday, December 15th, 2011
 Image via Wikipedia Good leadership begins with you. Everyone talks about developing good leadership skills. The truth is that the only person who can really teach you how to be the best leader is . . . you.
It’s tempting to rely on an expert to show you how to mine the hidden truths about good leadership. The bookshelves are stuffed with leadership assessments and techniques. They can all add value but they cannot answer the most important questions: Who are you and what do you believe?
No expert can tease those answers out into the open except you, no matter how much money you spend or how hard they try. A lack of self-awareness and self-knowledge produces a leader who is grounded only in the latest model or theory—a little like switching religion when the going gets tough or when something better comes along.
Models and Theories
I wrote a blog a few weeks back that talked about how I used different strategies as an FBI agent to surround the foreign spies I was trying to recruit to work for the U.S. government. An individual commented and asked why I didn’t use a leadership model that is currently very popular in training circles.
In actuality, there is nothing wrong with the leadership model he mentioned, but he missed the point because anytime you’re dealing with people, models and theories can only guide a leader so far. At some point, good leadership comes out of what is inside of you.
To paraphrase the venerable Jim Collins, if you’re a leader who doesn’t know who you are and what makes you tick, you will never move from good to great.
I relied on sound theories and dependable models when leading a team, but I distinguished my investigation from the others in the pack by drawing from my personal strengths. I’m not talking about the strengths that come from a skills assessment—I’m talking about the strength of character that girds and sustains us when we’re not sure where else to turn to or who else to trust. This is the type of self-awareness and self-knowledge that is our true north in any situation.
No Ego, Please
The admonition to become more self-aware can create a point of stickiness because many leaders can be self-absorbed. This is the opposite of what I’m talking about. A leader who is self-aware has not only accepted their weaknesses, they’ve faced them head on and have learned how to manage them as well. There is no room for fantasies or ego.
The heart of good leadership is connecting with others so they will follow us. Like the Wizard of Oz, people will only follow a promise for so long before they pull back the curtain to get a good look at who is behind it. Don’t let them see an empty suit.
 Image via Wikipedia Key Areas of Awareness
People are diverse and complex which is why it’s hard at times to accurately interpret our reaction to different situations. Here are key areas for self-awareness and self-knowledge:
1. Personality
- Remember that it does not change as you age
- Spot ways it impacts the way in which you interact with others
- Identify your strengths and assets
- Recognize your weaknesses and vulnerabilities
- Create opportunities that allow you to thrive
- Minimize situations that trigger the less desirable personality traits
2. Personal Values
- Make a list of values that are important to you.
- Prioritize the following values: honesty, self-awareness, listening to others, attentiveness, spirituality, authenticity, gratitude, trust, gentleness, humility, courage, self-knowledge, self-discipline, patience, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, charity, freedom, generosity, peace, joy, hope, and decisiveness.
- Think of times they have provided direction in your life
- Identify how you keep sight of your most important personal values in the busyness of your day-to-day activities
3. Patterns
- Recognize that you are a creature of habit and are predictable in your response to the unknown, the unexpected, and the uninvited events in your life
- Identify the patterns that emerge in those responses
- Distinguish between the patterns that are beneficial and those that interfere with your effectiveness and productivity.
- Pinpoint the patterns that help you succeed and minimize those that impede your progress.
4. Emotions
- Identify the emotions that reveal themselves most often
- Name the ones that rarely reveal themselves
- Recognize the triggers for negative emotions
- Make an association between your emotion and your behavior
- Consider that awareness of your emotions leads to greater control over them
Good leadership begins with self. You will always be the best expert on you—no matter how much you pay a consultant or coach.
How can you begin to reflect on your daily experiences to gain more self-awareness and self-knowledge? Do you want to make that commitment even if it means you’ll need to eliminate something else? What external factors will help you be faithful to the process? What doubts do you have about digging deeper into understanding yourself better?
I’d love to hear from you.
You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: Awareness, Emotion, emotions in leadership, from good to great, good leadership, Jim Collins, leader, leadership, personal values, personality, self-awareness, self-knowledge, values |
Posted in leadership, personal achievement, self development | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, December 6th, 2011
 Image via Wikipedia The holidays—they are the best of times, and the worst of times. Long lines test our patience. We have places to be and things to do.
We know we need to be more patient, but it’s stressful maintaining all that relentless good cheer, gritting our teeth and chugging through the crowds in shopping malls, a smile frozen on our lips.
We try not to think of the extra calories, boring cocktail parties, and Christmas presents that seem to take a bigger chunk out of our budget every year.
And—oh yes, did I mention the need for more patience?
That Thing Called Stress
The holidays tend to bring out the best, and the worst, in our personalities, too. Time is a precious commodity and most of us like to think that we’re very special in that regard—that perhaps our time is a little more important than anyone else’s.
We take great pains to protect our time and usually end up passing those pains along to those around us. Our moods suffer from the stress that is produced during unusually busy times like the holidays. Stress is a physical reaction to a “fight or flight” response that triggers hormones like adrenalin and cortisol to surge through our body.
Not all stress is bad, and a certain amount is needed to keep us alert and active. One of the primary sources of stress for many of us is our lack of patience—whether it’s waiting in lines, slow computers, traffic jams, or arriving late for meetings.
 Image via Wikipedia Life As A Surveillance Agent
As a young FBI agent, I was assigned to a six-month rotation on the surveillance squad. Our motto was “hurry up and wait.” Preparations were frantic as we bustled to get into place, only to sit for hours as we waited on the subject of our investigation. “The package is on the move” was music to our ears because we had grown impatient waiting for something to happen. Activity reminds us we’re still in the game, with something important to contribute.
Investigations are a process, not a single event that either happens or not. Life is a little like that, too—a process that unfolds over time, requiring patient effort and unselfish care.
A lack of patience is the trademark of ego. We want to see ourselves as being in control of our own destiny and resent the delays that interrupt our plans. Suddenly, the focus is not on us and our ego suffers a blow.
People who are impatient often have a hard time putting themselves in the shoes of others. It requires compassion and sensitivity, as well as the ability to put aside their own feelings and thoughts for a moment. Instead of citing rules, giving advice or criticizing, try tuning into the needs of others.
As I learned during my six months on the surveillance squad, patience is a skill that can be developed. We aren’t born patient—think of babies demanding the satisfaction of being fed. You and I have not changed that much; we still get red-faced and angry when our immediate needs are not being met.
A Few Tips . . .
Here are three tips to help you become more patient:
1. Remember That Life Is Not All About You
This is very difficult for most of us because we really would like to be our own God. We have constant reminders like knots in the stomach, tense muscles, and flares of tempers that things are not going our way. Then our thoughts usually turn to something like, “I have never seen such incompetence . . . how could they do something so stupid . . . don’t they realize . . . are they ignorant . . . did they do that on purpose . . .” Sound familiar? We all have these conversations—with luck, they are just in our head.
Here is a key test: if the annoyance is something that you will remember in one year, then it is probably significant enough to address. Otherwise, grow up . . .
2. Distinguish Between Pain and Discomfort
We have become quite comfortable with our way of life. We have expectations and we request they be honored and respected. When our expectations are not met, we become very annoyed. As a result, we try to change the other person, place, or thing that we believe is causing our discomfort. Sometimes they do need changing, but it is our reaction to them that is causing the emotional damage. Our attitude is what can cause the discomfort, not the circumstances.
Most of the time when we find ourselves losing patience with someone or something, it’s not real pain we’re dealing with but our unmet expectations.
3. Get Curious About Yourself
Use your ego to spend time on your favorite topic—you! Get curious about what is happening inside you when you become critical and impatient with anyone. A good way to start is by noticing how often are you impatient with yourself. Self-awareness is one of the first steps toward personal development. Consider these questions:
- What sparks your impatience?
- What steps can you take to slow your pace to more fully attend to the reactions within yourself?
- What steps can you take so that you do not make the same demands of people that you make of machines?
- How do you respond to anger in yourself and others?
- Can you recognize the difference between waiting patiently and resistance to taking action?
- How much patience do you have when waiting for others to give you the details you need for a decision?
- When have you experienced new self-awareness or insight unfolding itself to you in a way that is almost imperceptible?
- What causes you to examine an experience rather than glance at it and move on?
- How have developments in technology made patience more difficult for you?
While patience can build stronger relationship and create more success, the longer lasting effect of patience is the ability to observe ourselves, and the world, as it unfolds around us.
You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: Christmas stress, ego, holiday stress, impatient, patience, patient, personal development, stress
Posted in personal achievement, self development | No Comments »
Tuesday, November 29th, 2011
 Image by WingedWolf via Flickr Who are you becoming? With every day that passes and every decision you make, you are either getting closer to who you want to be or you’re taking a step back.
Who a person is becoming is much more important than who they’ve been in the past. Take an inventory of your personal values to see where you are headed. All of the actions, choices, decisions, experiences, and people that you included in your personal inventory of values are pointing to the person you are becoming.
“I forgot that every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character,” Oscar Wilde (from his prison cell).
Why are Personal Values Important?
Personal values drive our behavior. We react and take actions based on our priorities in life. How—and when—do these priorities take such a stronghold on us? Think back . . .
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” We’ve all been asked this question at some point in our childhood. No one asks a child, “Who are you?” So the trend starts early to latch onto a title that promises to give us what we want or allows us to be remembered for something important. As a child, I felt hard-pressed to say something exotic so everyone would be jealous of the life I was to have.
The focus on achievement and what we are going to do in life begins very early and stays with us for most of our adult life. The question of who we are going to become in that process is often ignored—until a crisis reminds us that life is not as fulfilling as we had hoped it to be. That crisis can be a death in the family, divorce, personal conflict, unemployment, or simply coming to the realization that “life is what happened when you were busy making other plans.”
Where Do Values Come From?
Many of our personal values are instilled during our upbringing—parents, teachers, and authority figures that we admire. The region, country, and generation in which we grew up also strongly influence the values that provide our north star and guide our life.
While we are most malleable when we’re young, we can be strongly influenced as adults as well. As a new FBI agent reporting into my first office in Phoenix, I was assigned to the bank robbery squad. Very often the description of a bank robber was sketchy at best because most of them tried to hide or disguise their face in some way. We called them “UNSUBS” or unidentified subjects and they made up a fair number of our caseload.
 Image via Wikipedia We got a tip from a citizen that someone matching a UNSUB from a recent bank robbery was spotted at a nightclub in downtown Phoenix. The squad rendezvoused nearby and we approached the guy—I couldn’t tell if it was our bank robber and neither could anyone else, so we agreed to let him go.
One agent, however, was more diligent and thorough. We had lifted fingerprints of the UNSUB from the bank’s countertop. The agent suggested manually matching up fingerprints before we let him go. It’s a labor intensive and tedious way to match fingerprints in this day and age, but we did not have enough probable cause to arrest him to get the electronically read fingerprints.
So, with a flashlight in one hand and the UNSUB’s fingerprint file in the other, the agent took the time to trace the whorls—and lo and behold, it was a match!
My attitude shifted a little that day—and the importance of perseverance climbed a little higher on my list and has come to embody one of my primary personal values.
The Benefits of Knowing Your Values
Personal values give us direction in the way we live our life. Without them, we muddle around and let life happen to us. We wander from one thing to another, trying to “find ourselves.”
To live intelligently and with purpose, know your values. They will help you to:
1. Create a clear guideline for your actions.
- You will be less likely to chase after something that does not fit into what you truly want to accomplish in life.
2. Help you make good choices.
- Good choices are those that are consistent with your personal values. The choices you make determine finding people, places, and things that are compatible with your values.
3. Live with integrity.
- Live true to your values and you will feel more at peace. You will also feel more fulfilled because you are being true to yourself.
Don’t let the question of who you are becoming be left ignored. Otherwise, obstacles and crises in life can leave you feeling confused about your direction in life.
You are becoming someone: the question is whether or not it’s whom you want to be. Be sure your words and choices reflect the type of person you want to become.
Have you completed a personal values inventory in the past year? Have you shared thoughts about your values with others? What are the personal values that are most affecting your lifestyle at the moment? How important are they to you in the long term?
You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: FBI, integrity, life purpose, Oscar Wilde, perseverance, personal values, Value (ethics), values |
Posted in leadership, personal achievement | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 21st, 2011
Article first published on www.linked2leadership.com
Remember the days when personal values were things we bragged about? We were proud to live by a set of standards—many of which were handed on by our grandparents.
“The standards were grounded in an ethic of hard work and a spirit of generosity.
It’s upsetting every time we read about a prominent figure that lies, steals, or commits fraud. Why do bright and talented people like Jeffrey Skilling, Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods—and yes, Kim Karsdashian—do stupid things and fall from grace in the public’s eye? Each one of these individuals has made choices that show poor personal values.
“Personal values guide us toward making wise moral choices and intelligent ethical decisions. They are grounded in integrity, and the way in which we choose to respond in any given situation tests our personal values.
Whether Kim Kardashian thought she could make money through selling her wedding photos, or expected her reality TV shows fans to be gullible enough to be surprised by her seventy-two day marriage to Kris Humphries, her choices reflect the lack of values in popular culture, such as honesty, sympathy, compassion, fairness, self-control, and duty.
Ownership of Values
What values do you portray in your leadership? Whether you lead a team of hundreds or an army of one, your reputation as a leader is at risk if you’re unable to effectively convey your personal values to others. This requires that you do two things:
- Acknowledge those values
- Find ways for your life to reflect those values
Personal values are unique and deep-rooted in each one of us. Many of us find ourselves too busy to take the time to consider how our values impact the way we live our lives. In fact, there’s a good chance that we would be hard pressed to name our personal values if asked to write them down.
 Image by SewPixie via Flickr Take Inventory
I worked as a manager at a department store for a few years right out of college. Every year we had to endure the annual inventory of stock. In essence, we compared what we actually owned compared to what we thought we owned.
If you were to take inventory of your life over the past year, how did your personal values help you make the best decisions and wise moral choices?
Here are some for you to consider:
- Power – identify when you’ve used your power and influence in ways that have enhanced your leadership of others.
- Achievement – list your successes. Did you acknowledge those who helped you to succeed?
- Self-gratification – remember the times you’ve enjoyed your life and felt pleasure in giving to others.
- Motivation – who inspires you? Why? Who do you inspire?
- Self-direction – celebrate the times you’ve been curious enough about yourself that you stopped in your busy schedule to find out more.
- Benevolence – remember the times you’ve treated others with a spirit of honesty, helpfulness, forgiveness, loyalty, and friendship. Commit to doing it more often.
- Tradition – pinpoint the instances when you’ve reacted with humbleness and respect.
- Conformity – notice your self-discipline (or lack of) when confronted with the unexpected, disappointment, and adversity.
- Security – remind yourself that you are not an island and not alone. How have you rejoiced in belonging to something bigger than yourself?
- Spirituality – give thanks for the times you remembered you are not your own God.
A review of our personal inventory not only reminds us of the values we have in stock and at our disposal, but also of how many of them have shifted over time.
Who Are You Becoming?
Who a person is becoming is much more important than who they’ve been in the past. All of the actions, choices, decisions, experiences, and people that you included in your inventory are pointing to the person you are becoming.
With every day that passes and every decision we make, we are either getting closer to who we want to be or we’re taking a step back. Be sure your words and choices reflect the leader you want to become.
Be a Good Steward of Your Resources
Your decisions about the way you allocate your personal time and energy toward nurturing choices that reflect your personal values will ultimately shape your life’s strategy.
When recruiting foreign spies to work for the U.S. government, FBI agents such as myself looked for vulnerabilities in their character. The biggest disruptions in their lives always occurred when they allocated less and less time to the things that mattered most to them. If we look at the root causes of the disruption we see on Wall Street and our economy, we’ll find that most of it has been caused by our choice for immediate gratification.
If you are to be a leader who exhibits personal values, you must do the following:
- Command a firm understanding of your personal values
- Articulate them to both yourself and those around you
- Allocate sufficient time to the things in life that matter the most
- Exhibit compassion to family, organization, and yourself
A good number of people are fed up with the dishonesty, greed, and self-absorption—whether it’s seen on reality TV or in the mirror.
Think about your life and what is important to you. Do you use words that reflect your personal values in your vocabulary? If not, how can you convey them to those around you?
Tags: Eliot Spitzer, Kim Kardashian, moral choices, personal development, personal growth, personal values, Reality television, values |
Posted in personal achievement, self development | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 14th, 2011
Article first published on www.linked2leadership.com
Why do we fear the unknown? Success is achieved when we move into action, and often this requires us to move into the unknown. And yet, we all encounter those moments when moving forward seems scary and fills us with fear.
The unknown can represent many things. To some, it’s not being sure of what we will encounter. To some, the unknown triggers our fear of not being in control. For others, lack of confidence in our abilities and resources can surface when confronted with the unknown.
Life Can Be Tough
I was born and raised on a cattle ranch in Wyoming. Rattlesnakes were the biggest threat to my life, not drugs. I spent my summers greasing balers and digging fence post holes. Fast food for us was hitting a deer at 60 miles an hour.
I entered the FBI Academy and trained for sixteen weeks before I was issued a badge and gun and sent to Phoenix, Arizona. I pulled a gun and made my first arrest at a busy intersection on Scottsdale Road. Years later, I became the spokesperson for the FBI in Northern California and did my first live television interview. It was at that point that I truly understood the meaning of the word fear. Everything else up to this point had been child’s play.
Fear can take many shapes, and it is defined differently for each of us. But no one can move ahead unless they are also bold enough to move into the unknown.
Do you calculate your moves so you can reduce risk—or avoid it? The answer can have an important impact on the way you live your life.
There Is Magic In Boldness
We work hard to find wise ways to reduce risk, but there is magic in a bold approach to life. Bold is not being foolhardy. Bold is a sincere braveness to discover the possibilities in life. Whether we lead hundreds or an army of one, we cannot take that first step until we learn how to stop our fear of the unknown.
Stepping in front of live television cameras means there is no editing or rehearsals. As the FBI spokesperson, it was rare when this type of interview went according to anything that resembled a script, so I found myself stepping into unknown territory—mouth dry, voice cracking, and knowing that everything I said (wrong) would stay on in the form of playbacks. If I made a mistake, not only would I look incompetent, it would also reflect poorly upon the FBI.
Dealing with the media was an unknown. I had a choice: either learn to reduce risk or avoid it. There are many spokespeople who avoid risk with the media by avoiding live television interviews. They stick to a script. The media hate them and never give them a break if/when something negative breaks regarding their company or situation.
Embrace the Unknown
I chose the other alternative—I embraced the unknown. I did my best to reduce risk but there is no way to eliminate it. Here are three ways to confront the unknown I will share with you:
1. Think small
Rather than looking at the giant task ahead of you, break it down into small pieces that can be accomplished in an hour, or a day, and focus your attention on that. Small steps help us to prioritize, and they help us feel we’ve accomplished something. Feelings of accomplishment help us build confidence in our abilities.
Here are strategies behind small steps:
- Asking small questions does not create fear
- Expecting small answers breaks down resistance
- Taking small actions guarantees progress
- Solving small problems provides confidence
- Recognizing small moments is the key to moving forward
If we take small steps we can . . .
2. Prepare
I didn’t wait until the day of the live TV interview to start preparing for it. I practiced how to respond to contentious questions in front of a video camera so I’d know which facial expressions to use that would evoke the response I wanted in viewers. I experimented with different stances and voice ranges until I was comfortable with the result. Soldiers do not wait until they are in battle to learn to shoot a gun; the same applies to us. Look ahead and start preparing for your next challenge before it hits you in the face.
Once we prepare, we can take the time to . . .
Anytime you try something new, you learn different things about yourself. This means you need to pay attention to your gut response when confronted with the unexpected. If you keep pulling the thread, you can see patterns in the way you respond to your gut reactions. Do you rationalize them away? Do you trust your instinct? Recall when you’ve been at your best and identify the factors that helped you make the right choices . . . the list goes on.
- If new experiences bring out a new understanding of yourself, the key is to identify what that new “thing” is so you can learn from it.
- New experiences are great learning opportunities if you frame them in a positive way.
- The more you understand your patterns of behavior, the better you can exploit your strengths and stop repeating your mistakes.
Fear of the unknown has its roots in lack of confidence in how you’ll perform when you venture into unknown territory. 1) Take small steps, so you can 2) prepare yourself, and 3) seek self-knowledge—these are effective ways to overcome your fear of the unknown.
How have small steps helped you in facing a big issue? How do you prepare for unknown challenges? What patterns of behavior have emerged for you in the way you overcome your fear of the unknown?
Tags: behavioral patterns, facial expressions, fear, fear of the unknown, lack of confidence, Risk, the unknown
Posted in communication, decision making, personal achievement | 11 Comments »
|
|
|
|
 |
