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February 21st, 2012 by Larae Quy
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If you want a great life, ask great questions. Questions can be catalysts. They’re challenges, inspirations, road maps, and hints of something better.
My first assignment as an FBI undercover agent was to identify a KGB officer who was a member of Russian delegation visiting a Silicon Valley company for six months.
This article is a guest post on Pick The Brain. To read the rest of the story, click HERE
Tags: empowerment, fulfillment, higher calling, hope, inspiration, life purpose, purpose of life, questions
Posted in personal achievement | 3 Comments »
February 17th, 2012 by Larae Quy
If we could predict the twists and turns in life, we’d never be confronted with the unknown. But things like cancer, death, or a sudden job loss are often beyond our control—they thrust us into an unknown world with little or no warning.
Whether we land on our feet, however, is something we can control.
This article was a guest post on Michael Hyatt. To read the rest CLICK HERE.
Tags: adversity, Challenges, fear of the unknown, the unexpected
Posted in personal achievement | 6 Comments »
February 12th, 2012 by Larae Quy
As a young FBI agent, I was assigned to work counterintelligence and espionage cases. I was so excited and felt I had reached my goal of becoming an investigator—and my higher calling in life.
 Image via Wikipedia I didn’t know what I was looking for when looking for spies, exactly, except for what I’d read in books like John LeCarre’s Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. I didn’t know what I’d do with them after I caught them, either, except for what I’d seen in movies like The Bourne Identity.
My first assignment in counterintelligence was working as an undercover agent. My job was to identify a Russian spy who was traveling with a large delegation. Since the group was visiting a defense contractor in the Silicon Valley, we knew there would be a KGB officer in the crowd. The company was working on sensitive nano-technology projects.
Russians will use women as “agents” for many of their operation but agents are not intelligence officers. They are operatives but do not receive the same training. Most Russian intelligence officers were, and still are, men. So, from among this large group of Russian men in the delegation, I was to figure out which one was working for the KGB.
And this is the thing: the bad guys don’t wear labels. We first learned this from our ex-spouses, right?
I showed up every day with combed hair and shiny shoes because this was my new school – the U of L . . . University of Life. I felt powerless, in over my head, and I lacked confidence. I had no idea how to find this guy. But the stakes were so high because this was classified military research technology.
Interestingly, as I got to know each and every “suspect,” one of them did stand out.
He wasn’t the one who asked the most questions. He wasn’t the pushy one trying to get access to more information than he should. Instead, he was the one who clearly was not passionate about nano-technology. He was bored. His job was not bringing him fulfillment.
As a new agent, without knowing how, I had actually accurately identified this man, Oleg, as the KGB officer! Once the FBI had Oleg in their sights, we started to pick away at his identify until we knew him for what he truly was.
When counterintelligence agents go about identifying the spy they are hoping to recruit, it’s more than name, rank, and serial number. We dig down to find the true character of the individual. Often, the FBI agent ends up knowing more about the targets of the investigation than they know about themselves!
The reason is that few of us take the time to excavate the significance of our own stories and experiences. As an undercover counterintelligence agent, I spent a great deal of time asking Oleg questions.
Questions can be catalysts. They’re challenges, inspirations, road maps, and hints of something better.
I needed to know why Oleg was no longer finding fulfillment in his job. More importantly, did Oleg himself know he was no longer living the life he wanted? The truth is, most of us are so busy doing what we think we have to that we never get around to doing what we really want to do.
Live your life on purpose.
 Image via Wikipedia “You have the brains in your head and the feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own and you know what you know, and you’re the one who’ll decide where to go.” Dr. Seuss
Who are you?
What do you believe?
And why do you believe it?
These are hard questions for most of us. Often, we lack the confidence to reach for the higher goal, and are filled with too much fear to move out of our narrow comfort zone so we can become a bigger person.
Oleg was no different. If we don’t know who we are, how can we know where we’re going?
Recruiting Oleg to work for the FBI was a like a religious conversion process. The Bible tells us in the book of Acts that people are to 1) repent, 2) turn away from sin, and 3) turn toward God.
In my world of espionage and counterintelligence, we followed a very similar process.
- An individual stops and notices.
- They away from that which keeps them from their best self
- And turn toward the higher calling.
By asking Oleg questions, he stopped and noticed which aspects of life were not bringing him fulfillment. While he had started out twenty years earlier as an exemplary Russian intelligence officer, the job now bored him. He was no longer living his life as the adventure he had once desired. Once this was brought to his attention, he felt free to turn toward his higher calling—he stopped and looked at his values, and saw that he was not living his life in accordance with them.
If you want a great life, ask great questions.
More about Oleg’s story in future posts . . .
Have you stopped to notice where you are headed in life? What questions are you asking yourself? Is it taking you toward your best self? What does your higher calling look like to you?
You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: confidence, fulfillment, goals, higher calling, life purpose, live a great life, purpose of life
Posted in personal achievement | 24 Comments »
February 3rd, 2012 by Larae Quy
When the going gets tough, we tend to seek out those people—and things—that give us the strength to be our best self. We yearn for the feeling that we’ve turned our lives around and are headed for better days.
Looking for the upside takes our mind off the down times. A positive attitude allows us forget, even for a while, the hardships that face us in many areas of our life.
Here is the ugly truth: We learn very little by being happy and content. We learn everything by being engaged with the realities of life, especially when it’s hard, confusing, and difficult.
This article is a guest post at Pick The Brain. To read the rest CLICK HERE
Tags: achieving goals, adversity, best self, better choices, motivation, overcome adversity, overcoming obstacles
Posted in personal achievement | 2 Comments »
January 30th, 2012 by Larae Quy
Article first published on www.linked2leadership.com
If we want to create a great life, we must first create the greatness in ourselves. Greatness is usually coined in terms of success, but what if winning isn’t everything? What if “simply making the effort to win” is the path to greatness?
Often, the focus on results and their rewards are the things we rely upon to provide us with life lessons. This is because we’ve come to believe that ”the great lessons of life” are the things seen, felt, heard, and experienced outside of one’s self.
- From the time we were in grade school, we are taught that the best answers in life come from books or from someone else’s head.
- To emphasize a point, we often quote a leader who lived a great life—it gives heft to our argument.
- By association, we are also great thinkers, or so the thinking goes.
These examples of great results are overt and outside of ourselves. They are awake in the public domain.
But what if a secret to a great life could regularly be found somewhere else? What if many wonderful treasures are buried inside of us, just waiting to be recognized?
To really tap the goldmine of wealth, what the world really needs to hear are those ideas inside your head!
The World of YouTube
Good ideas do not need to be huge; they just need to be yours.
 Image via CrunchBase
The founders of YouTube started out with a easy way to share videos on-line. It was a simple idea but a short ime later they sold their company to Google for $1.6 billion and “Time” magazine named their idea the Invention of the Year.
To live a great life is this:
Never ask, “Can I do this?” Instead ask, “How can I do this?”
Dreams or Nightmares?
I spent a great deal of my early life lacking confidence in my ability to make my dreams come true. And then there was always that exhortation from adults to do this:
“Quit dreaming . . . be practical!”
It wasn’t until I was an adult before I realized that there will always be someone to remind us we can’t, or shouldn’t, or won’t.
As I became more personally empowered, I began to understand that I can, should, and will.
Getting through the FBI Academy as a new agent presented many challenges for me. I found push ups and the six-mile run to be very difficult. But these were requirements and failure to show excellence in all areas could mean being washed out from the Academy.
If I didn’t take responsibility for my own dreams right then and there, I’d never see them come true.
Grab Your Great Life
Here are the best-practices that empowered me to overcome the obstacles I faced so I could live the great life I dreamed about:
1) Examine the labels you give yourself
The labels that others give you don’t matter as much as the ones you give yourself. Those that are self-imposed are boundaries that can limit where you move. Subconsciously, you may not let yourself cross them.
“Not an athlete“ was a label quickly given to me in the first few days of the Academy. I trained but made little progress. I gradually came to understand that not only had my classmates given me this label, but that I had accepted it, too. As long as I kept it, I wouldn’t be able to move beyond the self-imposed boundaries.
Once I peeled back the label, I found an inner strength that translated to physical strength as well.
2) Empower from the inside
Empowerment is an attitude that is quiet and tranquil.
It’s not noisy and fragmented. Empowerment comes by having a steady purpose—a goal. I knew I would attain it when I finally believed it—I needed to believe I could become an FBI agent. Then my goals and purpose came into sharper focus.
3) Drive back the fear
Not only did I have difficulty with push ups and the 6 mile run, I couldn’t swim and had a fear of heights. Jumping off a twenty-foot diving board was another one of the requirements to graduate from the Academy. Never have I felt fear as acutely as I felt looking down from the top of the diving board.
What propelled me to take the jump? I wanted the badge more than I feared the water. I decided I wanted it more than I was afraid of it.
A great life happens when you follow that voice that only you can hear. Once you hear it, and follow it, your life will become a wonderful adventure—Your Best Adventure!
What leadership labels have you accepted from others? What labels do you give yourself? How do you empower yourself to achieve your goals?
You can follow me on Twitter at
http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: empowered, empowerment, goals, great life, leadership, life purpose
Posted in personal achievement | 1 Comment »
January 23rd, 2012 by Larae Quy
 Image via Wikipedia No matter the time of year, or who we are, boredom can hit us when we least expect it, and we find ourselves bored with work, relationships . . . even life.
Sometimes boredom sneaks up on us; other times it signals its intention from way off in the distance. Either way, boredom is something that leaves us uninterested and unengaged with the things we’re doing.
When I was a kid, I’d say, “I’m bored. I haven’t got anything to do.” What I was really saying was this: “I don’t have anything fun to do.” As kids, we still dream. We pick activities that spark our imagination and curiosity. We learn at an early age that the remedy to boredom is adventure and exploring the unknown.
As leaders, however, we spend very little energy on adventure and a great deal of time avoiding the unknown. Sadly, many of us no longer have the passion that comes with dreams, either.
Today’s article was a guest post on Pick The Brain. To read the rest CLICK HERE
Tags: balance life, bored, boredom |, dreams, life purpose, meaning of life, passions, unfulfilled
Posted in personal achievement | 4 Comments »
January 15th, 2012 by Larae Quy
 Image via Wikipedia When we were young, the purpose of life was very clear—have fun! We focused on being independent, doing things our own way, seeking adventure, and looking for the best in ourselves and others.
And then we graduated from school, got jobs, and took on adult responsibilities. Suddenly, the purpose of our life had more to do with meeting the expectations of others and less about what we wanted for ourselves.
As a result, we start to live more on the fringes of other people’s lives than in the middle of our own. But here is the thing: when we don’t live life for ourselves, it’s impossible to find fulfillment and purpose.
This is the adventure of life—to find our purpose. At the end of the day, we’re the ones who must take responsibility for the choices in life that we’ve made along the way, so we might as well live it as our best.
 Image via Wikipedia Personal Identification
As an FBI agent, I relied upon a suspect’s identification to tell me the basics: name, date of birth, place of employment, and Social Security Account Number. This gave me a legal description of the individual but nothing more. To move into the personal identification, I needed to flesh out the details of the person.
Too many of us live our lives as nothing more than a legal description. We have become part of the gray masses that are indistinguishable from one another. We have not dug down to find our true character, we lack the confidence to reach for the higher goal, and are filled with too much fear to move out of our narrow comfort zone so we can become a bigger person.
Personal identification is a means for each of us to work towards finding our purpose in life. It takes work because we want to create the life we want to live, and not a version of what someone else thinks will work for us.
Over the next few months, I’ll be talking, and writing, more about Personal Identification and will break it down into the development of three areas: professional development, personal achievement, and spiritual growth. We’ll take a look at how to find our purpose in all three areas of life.
Let’s start with professional development.
Who Are You At Work?
“
 Image via Wikipedia Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, an the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the way only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. Stay hungry. Stay foolish.” Steve Jobs
Less than twenty percent of Americans can answer the following questions with any clarity. How would you answer them?
- What is my job?
- What about my job really counts?
- How well am I doing?
- Is my job an expression of my personal values?
- Can I list my 5 top personal values?
- In my job, am I building a life of success, but not of significance?
- What can I (or my employer) do to help me become more passionate about my current role?
- Is there another job I’d rather be doing?
- Why aren’t I doing it?
There is a silent killer that stalks America and it is called “rustout.” It’s actually even scarier than “burnout” because, while burnout can wear down your body, rustout can wipe out your soul and spirit.
“Rustout is the slow death that follows when we stop making the choices that keep life alive. It’s the feeling of numbness that comes from taking the safe way, never accepting new challenges, continually surrendering to the day-to-day routine. Rustout means we are no longer growing, but at best, are simply maintaining. It implies that we have traded the sensation of life for the security of a paycheck . . . Rustout is the opposite of burnout. Burnout is overdoing . . . rustout is underbeing.”
Richard Leider and Steve Buchholtz, The Rustout Syndrome
Write down ways you can stretch yourself in the next few months. How well did you answer the work questions with clarity? Which ones were the most difficult? Why? What areas of rustout do you suffer at work?
You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: empowerment, inspiration, leadership, life purpose, personal achievement, personal identification, professional development, purpose of life, spiritual growth
Posted in personal achievement, self development | 7 Comments »
January 8th, 2012 by Larae Quy
Someone needs to tell the political candidates that personal empowerment is not about power over others. Rather, it is understanding that you are in charge of your own life.
 Image via Wikipedia
People who are personally empowered know that happiness is an inside job. They don’t wait for someone else to make them happy and they can take care of their own needs for affection.
You Are Responsible For Your Own Actions
In other words, there is no finger pointing and blaming others for your lack of performance. You are willing to take responsibility for your actions. OK, so now it’s very obvious that most political candidates have no personal empowerment—they are just power hungry.
I make this distinction between power and personal empowerment because they are two very different things and people often assume that to be empowered is to be powerful.
Wrong.
This article was a guest post on Liz Strauss at Successful Blog. To read the rest of the article, click here:
Tags: empowered, empowerment, personal achievement, personal development, personal empowerment
Posted in personal achievement | No Comments »
January 2nd, 2012 by Larae Quy
Article first published on www.linked2leadership.com
We are all searching for answers. The moment we stop that search, we cease to be empowered and the leader of our own life.
No matter what we do for a living, we are all entrepreneurs of our own ideas. The generation of ideas and answers to life’s questions is empowering. It helps us to identify and resolve issues that hold us back personally and professionally.
The Link Between Personal and Professional Success
Successful people understand that it is impossible to separate personal achievement from professional performance. For short periods of time, it’s possible to fool all the people all the time; but an empty suit cannot sustain itself over the long haul.
As a result, we see leaders who stumble and fall. They use bad judgment and make stupid mistakes.
And we say things like this:
“That doesn’t sound like the person I used to know.”
Perhaps the proper response should be this:
“When did they start spinning out of control by trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations?”
In other words:
“When did they stop searching for answers about their own lives?”
Mission Creep
My favorite chapter in Stephen Covey’s book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is one entitled “Inside-Out.” He states that Inside-Out means to start with the most inside part of self because private victories always precede public victories. Inside-Out is a continuing process of renewal based on growth and maturity.
Lasting happiness and empowerment always comes from the inside.
If we pursue the process of renewal through growth and maturity that Covey talks about, our goals in life are bound to change as well. If we’re not self-aware enough to recognize those changes, we end up letting others define who we are and what we want out of life.
“I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacation with better care than they do their lives. Perhaps that is because is escape is easier than change.”~ Jim Rohn
 People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going. Mission creep happens when we lose focus and spend too much time on projects that don’t get us any closer to our goals. We are attracted by all the choices that compete for our time and attention.
Many people are plodding along at something but they aren’t excelling because they’re doing something they don’t truly enjoy. It pays the bills but they are not filled with inspiration or a sense of satisfaction.
For many of us, our goals change over the years but we’re unaware of this internal shift because we don’t look inward enough to even know it!
We empower ourselves when we identify what is holding us back from achieving our goals. As with anything, we need to choose a direction.
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to go,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
–Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Find Your Dream
Your goals should fill you with delight and anticipation. They need to be made with intentionality; otherwise, you may settle for something that is second best without ever realizing when you took the wrong turn in the road.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What do you truly love?
- What are you good at?
- What brings you satisfaction?
- What is the road not taken?
- Have you ever explored the road not taken?
- Is that untaken road still interesting to you?
- What stopped you from taking this road?
You will not find the answers to these questions in a book. If you are to be the leader of your own life, you must be willing to look inward to find them.
The Blue Flame
As a new counterintelligence agent in the FBI, I was often called a “blue flamer.” You know the type—they have an insatiable combination of ambition and desire because they are doing something they truly enjoy. My blue flame lasted for about five years because I was working undercover cases and living my dream.
The flame started sputtering when I no longer felt the excitement and adrenaline rush of meeting Russian spies as an undercover agent.
The following is a simple exercise in self-awareness that worked for me:
- On one side of piece of paper, make a list of everything that brings you joy and pleasure. Include achievements, people, and hobbies.
- On the other side, make a list of goals.
- Draw lines to match #1 and #2. Look closely at which ones intersect—or don’t. This may provide you with direction and purpose.
One of my goals was to recruit a Russian spy to work for the U.S. government. On the other side of the paper I had written that relating to people in a genuine and authentic manner gave me great joy. It became obvious to me that I couldn’t continue the subterfuge of undercover work and develop the desire to be genuine and authentic.
My mission had not changed—I still wanted to be an FBI agent—but my goals were now different.
I knew I could not get satisfaction from my professional achievements and still hope to claim my personal values.
True leaders are empowered by generating ideas and seeking answers to life’s questions. Leading our own life is the truest form of great leadership.
What do you want to accomplish in life? What obstacles are stopping you? Is your current path taking you toward your dream? I would love to hear your thoughts!
Tags: achievement, ambition and success, authentic leadership, empower, empowering, empowerment, inspiration, leader, leadership, personal achievement, personal values, Success |
Posted in personal achievement | 6 Comments »
December 15th, 2011 by Larae Quy
 Image via Wikipedia Good leadership begins with you. Everyone talks about developing good leadership skills. The truth is that the only person who can really teach you how to be the best leader is . . . you.
It’s tempting to rely on an expert to show you how to mine the hidden truths about good leadership. The bookshelves are stuffed with leadership assessments and techniques. They can all add value but they cannot answer the most important questions: Who are you and what do you believe?
No expert can tease those answers out into the open except you, no matter how much money you spend or how hard they try. A lack of self-awareness and self-knowledge produces a leader who is grounded only in the latest model or theory—a little like switching religion when the going gets tough or when something better comes along.
Models and Theories
I wrote a blog a few weeks back that talked about how I used different strategies as an FBI agent to surround the foreign spies I was trying to recruit to work for the U.S. government. An individual commented and asked why I didn’t use a leadership model that is currently very popular in training circles.
In actuality, there is nothing wrong with the leadership model he mentioned, but he missed the point because anytime you’re dealing with people, models and theories can only guide a leader so far. At some point, good leadership comes out of what is inside of you.
To paraphrase the venerable Jim Collins, if you’re a leader who doesn’t know who you are and what makes you tick, you will never move from good to great.
I relied on sound theories and dependable models when leading a team, but I distinguished my investigation from the others in the pack by drawing from my personal strengths. I’m not talking about the strengths that come from a skills assessment—I’m talking about the strength of character that girds and sustains us when we’re not sure where else to turn to or who else to trust. This is the type of self-awareness and self-knowledge that is our true north in any situation.
No Ego, Please
The admonition to become more self-aware can create a point of stickiness because many leaders can be self-absorbed. This is the opposite of what I’m talking about. A leader who is self-aware has not only accepted their weaknesses, they’ve faced them head on and have learned how to manage them as well. There is no room for fantasies or ego.
The heart of good leadership is connecting with others so they will follow us. Like the Wizard of Oz, people will only follow a promise for so long before they pull back the curtain to get a good look at who is behind it. Don’t let them see an empty suit.
 Image via Wikipedia Key Areas of Awareness
People are diverse and complex which is why it’s hard at times to accurately interpret our reaction to different situations. Here are key areas for self-awareness and self-knowledge:
1. Personality
- Remember that it does not change as you age
- Spot ways it impacts the way in which you interact with others
- Identify your strengths and assets
- Recognize your weaknesses and vulnerabilities
- Create opportunities that allow you to thrive
- Minimize situations that trigger the less desirable personality traits
2. Personal Values
- Make a list of values that are important to you.
- Prioritize the following values: honesty, self-awareness, listening to others, attentiveness, spirituality, authenticity, gratitude, trust, gentleness, humility, courage, self-knowledge, self-discipline, patience, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, charity, freedom, generosity, peace, joy, hope, and decisiveness.
- Think of times they have provided direction in your life
- Identify how you keep sight of your most important personal values in the busyness of your day-to-day activities
3. Patterns
- Recognize that you are a creature of habit and are predictable in your response to the unknown, the unexpected, and the uninvited events in your life
- Identify the patterns that emerge in those responses
- Distinguish between the patterns that are beneficial and those that interfere with your effectiveness and productivity.
- Pinpoint the patterns that help you succeed and minimize those that impede your progress.
4. Emotions
- Identify the emotions that reveal themselves most often
- Name the ones that rarely reveal themselves
- Recognize the triggers for negative emotions
- Make an association between your emotion and your behavior
- Consider that awareness of your emotions leads to greater control over them
Good leadership begins with self. You will always be the best expert on you—no matter how much you pay a consultant or coach.
How can you begin to reflect on your daily experiences to gain more self-awareness and self-knowledge? Do you want to make that commitment even if it means you’ll need to eliminate something else? What external factors will help you be faithful to the process? What doubts do you have about digging deeper into understanding yourself better?
I’d love to hear from you.
You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/LaRaeQuy
Tags: Awareness, Emotion, emotions in leadership, from good to great, good leadership, Jim Collins, leader, leadership, personal values, personality, self-awareness, self-knowledge, values |
Posted in leadership, personal achievement, self development | 5 Comments »
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