5 Great Pieces Of Advice About Success

August 17th, 2014 by LaRae Quy

FBI agents are expected to be successful investigators. When a child is kidnapped, success in finding the kidnapper is not a desired outcome; it is a requirement.


When facing distraught parents, you know deep down that you will do whatever it takes to bring that child home. Success is possible, but it takes mental toughness to sort through the hard facts about what it takes to succeed.

Here are five great pieces of advice to keep in mind about success:


For years we’ve been told that willpower is limited—it’s best saved for a sprint, not the race.

Psychologist Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, strongly disagrees. She believes that willpower is limited only if we believe it is. We put boundaries around ourselves when we believe willpower is limited.

But if we are mentally strong leaders who believe that if we work hard, we will be energized to work more, then we are creating willpower. 

As FBI agents working on child kidnappings and other crimes, we worked long hours in strenuous conditions and forged ahead to embrace even more challenging activities.

It turns out that willpower is in our head! 


We are significantly more productive when we’re feeling positive about our situation, even during tough times. 

One of the most important characteristics of mental toughness is the ability to find positive aspects in the middle of negative situations. Positive thinking does not give up or shut down when we’re hit with an unexpected roadblock. Just the opposite—positivity nudges our brain to seek out more possibilities. We’re smarter and more creative as a result.

Creative thinking was often the difference between success and failure in many of my FBI investigations.

Even pessimists can learn to be positive thinkers. 

For each negative thought you have, write down 5 positive ones to counter it. If you cannot find 5 positive thoughts, write down 5 things for which you are grateful. Do this for several weeks and you will see begin to see changes in your behavior: not only will you connect better with others, you will also manage your stress.


If we want to be successful, we must learn how to fail.

Another way to build mental toughness is saying “yes” to situations where you know there is a likelihood you will fail. FBI training continually put new agents in situations where failure was imminent. 

This may seem counterintuitive to anyone who strives to be successful—after all, why would you intentionally place yourself in a situation where you might make a mistake or fail? 

There are three reasons: 

  1. Success comes from stretching yourself toward peak performance. If you do not keep moving into your discomfort zone, you will stop growing. And when that happens, you surround yourself with mediocrity.
  2. Success requires that you analyze and critique your failures because you learn something about yourself that you did not know before. Strong minded leaders allow this knowledge to show them how to be successful next time around.
  3. Success hinges on choosing to put yourself in situations where you will fail or come up short so you’ll be aware of your reaction. This is incredibly important in today’s volatile work environment since your ability to predict your response to a disruption will allow you to land on your feet, rather than be caught off guard and simply react, and perhaps not in ways that help your leadership move forward.


Most us believe just the opposite—that success will bring us happiness, but the reverse is actually true.

Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, says that if we work harder to achieve our goal, we think we’ll be happier. But research is clear that every time we experience success, our brain changes the definition of what success means. In essence, success will always be an elusive goal, so if we’re expecting happiness to be the result of our hard work, we’re most likely never going to get there!

Instead, increase levels of happiness in the midst of a challenge, and you will find that your success rate will increase as well. It’s important to remember that joy is a deeper emotion that is connected with well being, living a life of meaning, and living according to values.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones—Proverbs 17:22 (ESV)


It’s tempting for us to whine and complain when life doesn’t turn out the way we expected or planned. We feel life isn’t fair when we compare ourselves to others.

Here is the bitter pill for you to swallow: what you’re feeling has nothing to do with fairness; it’s all about entitlement.

You have total control over your attitude, so if something is wrong put that mental energy into making the situation better—unless you plan to whine about it forever.

Your words have power, especially over you. Don’t talk about what’s wrong. Talk about how you’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself. Positive self-talk is a cornerstone in training for Special Forces, FBI agents, and anyone who wants to be successful.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me”—Erma Bombeck

© 2014 LaRaeQuy. All rights reserved.


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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths” and “Secrets of a Strong Mind.”

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10 Responses to “5 Great Pieces Of Advice About Success”

  1. Success also depends on having a direction. Very rarely can someone Forrest Gump through life and find success. I suppose that is a key word – “find”. Success is less “finding” and more “achieving.” And with the latter, the verb construct, I see the 5 pieces of advice. To find, your hands generally stay clean. To achieve, your hands get dirty. And by getting dirty we are transformed.

    Another powerful message about toughness and success.

    • LaRae Quy says:

      Great observation, David!

      And I love your metaphor about clean vs. dirty hands…so true! I may have to use that illustration in the future 🙂

      Have a great week.

  2. Alli Polin says:

    Really fantastic, LaRae!

    Recently, my child’s tutor sent home a worksheet for me to track all of my children’s omissions and errors when reading. There was no element of positive reinforcement, or belief that they can continue to improve even when it’s a challenge etc. I decided not to do the activity not because I want to shelter my children from their weaknesses, but because it’s only focusing on the negative, it will not help them grow their positivity, self-belief, resilience or happiness, and marry it to their reality, on their road to success.

    Love your insights on mental toughness!

    • LaRae Quy says:

      Thanks so much for sharing, Alli!

      Kids get enough negative feedback without teachers and the school system heaping more upon them. Unfortunately, that is the way our educational system is set up—good for you for sticking to your guns and taking an active role in helping your kids look for, and find, positives in their environment!

  3. Terrific points about success, LaRae! I especially loved the idea of putting ourselves in a situation where we might face failure. That is so true for us to understand our blind spots and areas where we really need to develop.

    I do believe that success is in our minds and when we think we can achieve something it is more likely than if we think we will fail. I know that I have put boundaries around dealing with numbers and that thinking oftentimes defeats me. Yet when I talk myself through my math abilities I always find a way to make it work.

    Thanks LaRae!

    • LaRae Quy says:

      Oh, Terri, we all hate failure! It’s such a blow to the ego…

      And yet, it’s essential if we are serious about achieving peak performance. It’s such a relief when I give myself permission to fail as I keep looking for the “right” answers instead of “a” answer…often, a great deal of difference between the two!

  4. Karin Hurt says:

    Beautiful. One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Twain “Opportunity is missed by most people because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work.” I’m amazed at how many people expect success without the work.

    Love that Erma Bomback quote… hadn’t heard that. A keeper. 😉

  5. Great post LaRae!

    I loved your nudge to list 5 things for which you are grateful, as I deeply believe that thankfulness drives out darkness.

    But what I appreciated even more what your emphasis on the benefits of putting yourself in situations where you might make a mistake or fail. Awesome vision to start my day! Thank you!

    • LaRae Quy says:

      Thanks for your kind words, Chery!

      Giving ourselves permission to make a mistake sounds…anti-American! That probably explains why our politicians are so reprehensible 🙂

      Listing the things for which we are grateful is a powerful way to drive out darkness…I love this verse: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

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